I type out my first sentence "Finally slowing down a little" then delete it in correction, does my life ever slow down?
Tball is over. It was Giovanna's first year. She did great. I'm glad it's done. 3 days per week of tball + 3 days per week of baseball = 6 days per week of mommy running around like a chicken with her head cut off.
Isaac is in baseball, it's his first year of coach pitch. His games are still going. He's finally started to catch on to the concept of really watching and waiting for a good pitch - thus enjoying the game more since he isn't striking out.
Nora is anxious to play tball next year. I'm hoping she and Giovanna get the same set of coaches (I hope they do it again!)
Liam is still as much a destroyer as ever. Very very busy. On the potty training front we seem to have made some small progress. He's still mostly disinterested.
Shiloh is suddenly a toddler. I swear it happened over night. Sweet little baby giggles have transformed into shrieking tantrums. She's still smiley and so darn cute. She's constantly doing things that surprise me on a level of showing how intelligent she is. She has joined the ranks of destroyer with her brother. The 2 of them are exhausting me. I'm hoping I can find some kind of sport for Liam to participate in one he turns 3 so he can get tired out.
We have the month of July pretty open for right now. I'm hoping it stays low key. June has been real busy thus far. There will be no sports going on in July. In August football + cheerleading start up. But at least those are on the same day, so Isaac and Giovanna will be doing that together. I've noticed that while it feels hectic to be so involved in sports activities the kids are sleeping a lot better through the night and later into the morning. I'll take it :-)
Tonight I made Taco Soup which won over my dinner crowd. Deeeeelicious! Tomorrow I think I will be trying this recipe for the first time.
As always, I'm finding lots of things I'd like to do, read, participate in, etc that I have no time for ;-) Everyone fell asleep rather well tonight. I might indulge and watch a movie while eating chocolate chip cookies. MMmmm
Showing posts with label Family Thoughts. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Family Thoughts. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Thursday, February 26, 2009
About boys
I grew up with 4 sisters. No brothers. I had some male cousins... but not the same.
When I was expecting my first, I was really hoping for a girl. After all I'm a girl, I understand girls, what would I do with a boy?
I'm so glad I had an ultrasound... it gave me some time to prepare. Because low and behold...... a boy was to be my first child. I remember being excited.. but panicky. What would I do with a boy? How do you raise those??? It was like going to a foreign country where you don't speak the language.
Well, being a mom to boys has been downright awesome. And here are a few of the tips I've learned along the way....
1) Exhaust them or be exhausted. Boys are bundles of energy. Be sure to live somewhere with a great yard and if you're going to buy them toys... buy ones that will wear them out!
2) Boys eat. A lot. I don't even want to know what it's going to be like when they're teenagers. My 2 year old can out eat me already. The boys can easily consume 10 pancakes or 6 eggs each for an average breakfast. So keep them fed and fed often.
3) Nerf guns are cool. And I mean crazy cool. I had no idea they were so much fun. I highly recommend having a Nerf arsenal in your house if you have boys.
4) Work out. Boys will keep you on your toes. You'll need to be strong and in shape to climb up trees to help them down, to keep up with them at tball or hockey (see #1), to securely hold a flailing, angry toddler, and to have dance-offs (yes, boys like dancing too at least when they're younger!).
5) I'm still the girliest girl. But even girly girl mom's are awesome if they know most of the marvel superheroes. Learn those.
6) Star wars. If you don't like it, learn to. There are few things more precious to a boy than a light saber.
7) Anything can be turned into a flying object. Be careful of what's in reach.
I'm sure there are so many things that have become second nature to me now that I knew nothing of at first. But let me say... I'm so glad I have boys!
When I was expecting my first, I was really hoping for a girl. After all I'm a girl, I understand girls, what would I do with a boy?
I'm so glad I had an ultrasound... it gave me some time to prepare. Because low and behold...... a boy was to be my first child. I remember being excited.. but panicky. What would I do with a boy? How do you raise those??? It was like going to a foreign country where you don't speak the language.
Well, being a mom to boys has been downright awesome. And here are a few of the tips I've learned along the way....
1) Exhaust them or be exhausted. Boys are bundles of energy. Be sure to live somewhere with a great yard and if you're going to buy them toys... buy ones that will wear them out!
2) Boys eat. A lot. I don't even want to know what it's going to be like when they're teenagers. My 2 year old can out eat me already. The boys can easily consume 10 pancakes or 6 eggs each for an average breakfast. So keep them fed and fed often.
3) Nerf guns are cool. And I mean crazy cool. I had no idea they were so much fun. I highly recommend having a Nerf arsenal in your house if you have boys.
4) Work out. Boys will keep you on your toes. You'll need to be strong and in shape to climb up trees to help them down, to keep up with them at tball or hockey (see #1), to securely hold a flailing, angry toddler, and to have dance-offs (yes, boys like dancing too at least when they're younger!).
5) I'm still the girliest girl. But even girly girl mom's are awesome if they know most of the marvel superheroes. Learn those.
6) Star wars. If you don't like it, learn to. There are few things more precious to a boy than a light saber.
7) Anything can be turned into a flying object. Be careful of what's in reach.
I'm sure there are so many things that have become second nature to me now that I knew nothing of at first. But let me say... I'm so glad I have boys!
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Heirloom
It was a long, long day Saturday. The kind of day where you're physically worn out but reminded that you are, again, stronger than you think. Before my grandmother had passed she left her dining room furniture set to me. This was no small gift. Sentimental value aside, the pieces were more than I can imagine being able to afford for a long time. The table alone being large enough to comfortably sit ALL of my children around it is a treasure. Extra bonus? The deep, dark, cherry that I've always loved. Maybe I've always loved it because that's what I grew up around visiting my grandma's house. Who knows?
And as the sentimental value goes.... aside from all the childhood memories, family parties, holidays, and laughter shared around the table, aside from that it belonged to my grandmother, I learned it's been in the family for a long time. I found this out as my uncle was helping carry pieces out to the Uhaul truck as he said "I can hear Mom's voice in my head right now "OOOOhh!!"" he said in a voice mimicking grandma's quite well, "Ohh! Careful! That was great Aunt Til's you know!!! STEVEN!"" I hadn't known the furniture had belonged to my great, great aunt as well. It made so much sense that grandma had picked a softy like me, who not only could use the furniture so much with a family the same size that she raised but someone who clings to special heirloom pieces that can be passed on generation to generation.
As I arranged and rearranged pieces, settled china and ceramics into the china cabinet just so, I collapsed in tears. Such a hard year 2008. So many regrets. Wishing I had made the time to visit my grandparents more at the end of their life. I was too busy with things so trivial I can't remember what they were. I can't get that back now and that hits my chest like a knife. I remember very vividly how much they loved me, and that was the unique theme at both of their funeral services which were packed full of people. Every one that knew them felt especially loved by them. Among the grandchildren we all thought we were grandma and grandpa's favorite!
I sit typing at the table, not wanting to move, feeling somewhat connected to them in this moment of reflection.
I think my grandparents would be very pleased to see how the furniture fits into my house. Each piece in a place that fits so perfectly it's as if the house has been waiting for it since it was built. There is a glass flared vase with flowers in the center of the table, something that would be the first thing to catch my grandma's attention and receive comment from if she was to walk in my house right now. The small amout of precious things I have displayed in the china cabinet she'd declare over. I think if they were here for a visit and sitting at the table with me my grandfather would ask me to sit at my piano and play for him. It wouldn't matter that it's the same piece I've played for the last dozen years since I've stopped practicing. He'd still love it just as much.
It's amazing that a few pieces of furniture can transform me into a different time and place. I can't help but desperately wish that I was a kid again sitting in their dining room, and their table, planning on sneaking another chocolate out of the candy dish. Now I'm an adult sitting in my own home, wondering how things changed so much from childhood to now - such a short time. I miss them so much. Yet it's such a comfort to have something of theirs here. Thinking of how much they would like that means a lot to me. Given what kind, generous, loving people they were - something that would mean a lot to them makes me happy.
Love you Grandma and Grandpa.
And as the sentimental value goes.... aside from all the childhood memories, family parties, holidays, and laughter shared around the table, aside from that it belonged to my grandmother, I learned it's been in the family for a long time. I found this out as my uncle was helping carry pieces out to the Uhaul truck as he said "I can hear Mom's voice in my head right now "OOOOhh!!"" he said in a voice mimicking grandma's quite well, "Ohh! Careful! That was great Aunt Til's you know!!! STEVEN!"" I hadn't known the furniture had belonged to my great, great aunt as well. It made so much sense that grandma had picked a softy like me, who not only could use the furniture so much with a family the same size that she raised but someone who clings to special heirloom pieces that can be passed on generation to generation.
As I arranged and rearranged pieces, settled china and ceramics into the china cabinet just so, I collapsed in tears. Such a hard year 2008. So many regrets. Wishing I had made the time to visit my grandparents more at the end of their life. I was too busy with things so trivial I can't remember what they were. I can't get that back now and that hits my chest like a knife. I remember very vividly how much they loved me, and that was the unique theme at both of their funeral services which were packed full of people. Every one that knew them felt especially loved by them. Among the grandchildren we all thought we were grandma and grandpa's favorite!
I sit typing at the table, not wanting to move, feeling somewhat connected to them in this moment of reflection.
I think my grandparents would be very pleased to see how the furniture fits into my house. Each piece in a place that fits so perfectly it's as if the house has been waiting for it since it was built. There is a glass flared vase with flowers in the center of the table, something that would be the first thing to catch my grandma's attention and receive comment from if she was to walk in my house right now. The small amout of precious things I have displayed in the china cabinet she'd declare over. I think if they were here for a visit and sitting at the table with me my grandfather would ask me to sit at my piano and play for him. It wouldn't matter that it's the same piece I've played for the last dozen years since I've stopped practicing. He'd still love it just as much.
It's amazing that a few pieces of furniture can transform me into a different time and place. I can't help but desperately wish that I was a kid again sitting in their dining room, and their table, planning on sneaking another chocolate out of the candy dish. Now I'm an adult sitting in my own home, wondering how things changed so much from childhood to now - such a short time. I miss them so much. Yet it's such a comfort to have something of theirs here. Thinking of how much they would like that means a lot to me. Given what kind, generous, loving people they were - something that would mean a lot to them makes me happy.
Love you Grandma and Grandpa.
Friday, February 6, 2009
Brrrrrrr
WOW has it been cold. Do you live in the frigid north? Are you managing to stay warm!??
I've been having fun planning warm weather activities once spring rolls around.
I've wanted to go camping with my kids ever since I had my first and haven't done it. This year is the year!
I've been doing some reading online for how to camp successfully with children. Here are some of the tips I've gathered:
Do you guys have any of your own family camping tips to share?
I've been having fun planning warm weather activities once spring rolls around.
I've wanted to go camping with my kids ever since I had my first and haven't done it. This year is the year!
I've been doing some reading online for how to camp successfully with children. Here are some of the tips I've gathered:
*Do a test run of camping in your backyard. This gives you (and the kids) practice at setting up and tearing down camp, cooking outdoors, and the whole experience with the safety of home nearby.
*Read books about camping together.
*Create Camp Chore Cards for your kids so that everyone has their own special jobs to help things run smoothly and keep the peace.
*Plan special age appropriate activities : giant bubbles, scavenger hunts, fishing, etc.
*Remember special snacks for nighttime. Maybe something that is a "comfort food" in case they get a little homesick.
*Bring a disposable camera for each child to take their own special pictures of the trip.
*Make sure you bring alternate "inside" activities if you have bad weather.
Do you guys have any of your own family camping tips to share?
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Potty Training... or maybe it's Mommy Training
So Liam is 2 years, 5 months, and five days old. Potty training successes so far since my last post on the subject? None.
This kid perplexes me. His communication for his age is rather good. Which continues to emphasize to me that he is capable. I know boys statistically train later than girls... but man, I tell you I'm out of ideas! The things that worked for the other kids do not appeal to him.
First recommendation in all the potty training literature? Buy a potty seat. Right. Except, Liam will tell you those are for babies. Which he is not. He will sit on the big potty and the big potty only. Understandable since all his big siblings use the big potty.
Only.... he's never used it. He tells me he prefers his diaper. Hm.
Second major suggestion is to pick out character underpants. This is where we really get into a dillema and he gets angry. He wants Dora the explorer. In case you were unaware...... Dora seems to be exclusively put on girls underpants. Oh we know about Diego. Liam likes Diego. But he wants Dora underpants. The few tries at the store has resulted in angry tears. I'm about to cave and let him train in girls underpants... does it make me a bad mom to let him sport Dora undies?
The idea of earning treats - doesn't care. Not even for chocolate.. which you know, I'd do anything for! So we're really at a dead end here.
I'm holding out for the spring/summer which is when potty training really made sense to my older son with the excitement of peeing on trees, bushes, and other items outdoors. Hopefully that'll do the trick!!!
Any good training secrets out there??
This kid perplexes me. His communication for his age is rather good. Which continues to emphasize to me that he is capable. I know boys statistically train later than girls... but man, I tell you I'm out of ideas! The things that worked for the other kids do not appeal to him.
First recommendation in all the potty training literature? Buy a potty seat. Right. Except, Liam will tell you those are for babies. Which he is not. He will sit on the big potty and the big potty only. Understandable since all his big siblings use the big potty.
Only.... he's never used it. He tells me he prefers his diaper. Hm.
Second major suggestion is to pick out character underpants. This is where we really get into a dillema and he gets angry. He wants Dora the explorer. In case you were unaware...... Dora seems to be exclusively put on girls underpants. Oh we know about Diego. Liam likes Diego. But he wants Dora underpants. The few tries at the store has resulted in angry tears. I'm about to cave and let him train in girls underpants... does it make me a bad mom to let him sport Dora undies?
The idea of earning treats - doesn't care. Not even for chocolate.. which you know, I'd do anything for! So we're really at a dead end here.
I'm holding out for the spring/summer which is when potty training really made sense to my older son with the excitement of peeing on trees, bushes, and other items outdoors. Hopefully that'll do the trick!!!
Any good training secrets out there??
WHEW!
Is anyone out there? :-)
I'm still here! I promise. So shortly after my last blog post.. my son was using the computer. Being mechanical and intuitive the way boys are he noticed the battery getting low. The long story short, since I am not a technological wizard, is that something with plugging part of the cord into the power brick thing... on the wrong side cause prongs to be bent off? In other words, it was broken. Beyond repair. Actually, I don't know if power cords are ever repairable....
In any case! Right before the holidays and everything... it's now well into January and my first thoughts? WHEW! We made it. This past few months felt even busier than usual. Ironic since we had fewer things to go to than usual! I think it has something to do with the kids getting older, have you found that to be true?
It feels quite nice to have the weeks on the calender much emptier, getting back to the school routine, enjoying a cup of coffee in the morning watching the snow drifting peacefully (although..... I could do without the snow just fine ;-)!!)
In looking back on Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years I find myself drawing from a lot of childhood memories. My kids are at ages where I remember family gatherings and holidays, the magic and excitement! The thrill of seeing family you've missed for a long time, snow angels, hot cocoa, and of course..... presents? Oh yeah.. that's the big excitement for my kids now too :-)
So my question for you is, while it is certainly easy to take a deep breath and give a sign of relief that it's all over - looking back what was the best memory of the holiday season for you?
I'm still here! I promise. So shortly after my last blog post.. my son was using the computer. Being mechanical and intuitive the way boys are he noticed the battery getting low. The long story short, since I am not a technological wizard, is that something with plugging part of the cord into the power brick thing... on the wrong side cause prongs to be bent off? In other words, it was broken. Beyond repair. Actually, I don't know if power cords are ever repairable....
In any case! Right before the holidays and everything... it's now well into January and my first thoughts? WHEW! We made it. This past few months felt even busier than usual. Ironic since we had fewer things to go to than usual! I think it has something to do with the kids getting older, have you found that to be true?
It feels quite nice to have the weeks on the calender much emptier, getting back to the school routine, enjoying a cup of coffee in the morning watching the snow drifting peacefully (although..... I could do without the snow just fine ;-)!!)
In looking back on Thanksgiving, Christmas, and New Years I find myself drawing from a lot of childhood memories. My kids are at ages where I remember family gatherings and holidays, the magic and excitement! The thrill of seeing family you've missed for a long time, snow angels, hot cocoa, and of course..... presents? Oh yeah.. that's the big excitement for my kids now too :-)
So my question for you is, while it is certainly easy to take a deep breath and give a sign of relief that it's all over - looking back what was the best memory of the holiday season for you?
Monday, September 1, 2008
Stretched
I'm finding myself stretched thin lately. Stretched thin for time and energy. Stretched thin in being limited to how many hands I have and how many places I can be in at once. There are so many things I love that I don't even consider working into my schedule right now as I try to desperately get things accomplished.
There was a time in my life where this all would have got me down. I'd give in to the stress. I'd get angry with everyone in my family. Because clearly, everyone in my family has wronged me. It's the kids who need the constant discipline who are consuming my precious time. It's my husband who leaves shoes on the floor or items all over the bathroom counter or dishes on the floor from a midnight snack who wastes my time since I have to stop to pick up after him.
I'd start feeling very sorry for myself that my load was impossible to bear. I'd be frustrated that it was all up to me to do everything. There would be numerous fights with my husband in which the resounding theme was that "I'm not a maid!"
And all I can think back on now is how bitter and sad that was. I can choose to give in to the lies that accompany stress and believe them. Or I can choose to see myself as blessed as I am. That each task I do is an opportunity to show love to my Savior and love to my family - my children and husband. My life isn't about what is undone but about what we are accomplishing. Things are not perfect. But I was a miserable person when trying to attain perfection.
The days go by all too quickly, my sweet little round faced baby is now 8 months old today. I have realized over the years that the time is rushing by and that if I don't stop to be thankful I will not have any pleasant memories to look back on.
So I challenge you moms today... when you feel like there is not enough of you to go around, throw that list out the window. Instead of feeling inadequate be thankful for the ways you were able to serve your God and your family today through your hard work. It's not insufficient, it's more than enough. Your cheerful heart and good attitude will go much further and last longer than any work of your hands will (which we both know will quickly be undone again by little people).
There was a time in my life where this all would have got me down. I'd give in to the stress. I'd get angry with everyone in my family. Because clearly, everyone in my family has wronged me. It's the kids who need the constant discipline who are consuming my precious time. It's my husband who leaves shoes on the floor or items all over the bathroom counter or dishes on the floor from a midnight snack who wastes my time since I have to stop to pick up after him.
I'd start feeling very sorry for myself that my load was impossible to bear. I'd be frustrated that it was all up to me to do everything. There would be numerous fights with my husband in which the resounding theme was that "I'm not a maid!"
And all I can think back on now is how bitter and sad that was. I can choose to give in to the lies that accompany stress and believe them. Or I can choose to see myself as blessed as I am. That each task I do is an opportunity to show love to my Savior and love to my family - my children and husband. My life isn't about what is undone but about what we are accomplishing. Things are not perfect. But I was a miserable person when trying to attain perfection.
The days go by all too quickly, my sweet little round faced baby is now 8 months old today. I have realized over the years that the time is rushing by and that if I don't stop to be thankful I will not have any pleasant memories to look back on.
So I challenge you moms today... when you feel like there is not enough of you to go around, throw that list out the window. Instead of feeling inadequate be thankful for the ways you were able to serve your God and your family today through your hard work. It's not insufficient, it's more than enough. Your cheerful heart and good attitude will go much further and last longer than any work of your hands will (which we both know will quickly be undone again by little people).
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Wordless Wednesday : The Curly Kid Got a Hair Cut
Curly Kid Before:
Curly Kid During:
Curly Kid After:
Monday, August 4, 2008
oh family photos
Because I love looking at pictures of all of your families, I thought I would share some we took today. I also share it because they're the only pictures of the 7 of us we've taken since Shiloh was born. Yes. She's 7 months old. First family photo op. We're a tiny bit behind.
The picture progression is quite hilarious. Jake looks like he's in pain for half of them, I look like a cheesy game show host in 2 of them. And the rest were a hodge podge of child antics.
But I won't share them all because I do have a little bit of pride ;-)
However, here are the 2 best and I'm counting on you all to tell us which is your favorite so we know which one to send out.
picture a:
picture b:
The picture progression is quite hilarious. Jake looks like he's in pain for half of them, I look like a cheesy game show host in 2 of them. And the rest were a hodge podge of child antics.
But I won't share them all because I do have a little bit of pride ;-)
However, here are the 2 best and I'm counting on you all to tell us which is your favorite so we know which one to send out.
picture a:
picture b:
Thursday, July 31, 2008
The news
Ok, so I mentioned some exciting news...
Remember my husband interviewed for an out of state job? I wasn't really thrilled with the idea of moving. Until we learned we'd be taxed less... and the salary was a lot more... and it's a more homeschooling friendly state... and we'd be near the ocean.. and, and, and....
It seemed like we kept learning one positive thing after another about the area where we would live. Surely it was meant to be! Until, it wasn't. He didn't get the job. It was down to him and another guy and the other guy new the person interviewing. Connections I tell you.
Anyway, we were both surprisingly disappointed. His boss here decided he'd move him to a different position within his district that was a positive move for Jake, so we were trying to psyche ourselves up that "Hey, this is God's will... it'll be better, right?"
Then, also within his current company, a position opened up at a location he has wanted to work at for a long time. Better hours, better pay, much closer to home (less than half the distance he's commuting now!)!!
He barely interviewed for it and the job was his. It was amazing. It was so cool how God provided something that Jake has wanted for a long time. Instead of moving out of state, he'll have a GREAT job here and we'll still get to be near all our friends, family, and church.
I'm just so thankful for God's blessings and for a great husband who works so hard!
Remember my husband interviewed for an out of state job? I wasn't really thrilled with the idea of moving. Until we learned we'd be taxed less... and the salary was a lot more... and it's a more homeschooling friendly state... and we'd be near the ocean.. and, and, and....
It seemed like we kept learning one positive thing after another about the area where we would live. Surely it was meant to be! Until, it wasn't. He didn't get the job. It was down to him and another guy and the other guy new the person interviewing. Connections I tell you.
Anyway, we were both surprisingly disappointed. His boss here decided he'd move him to a different position within his district that was a positive move for Jake, so we were trying to psyche ourselves up that "Hey, this is God's will... it'll be better, right?"
Then, also within his current company, a position opened up at a location he has wanted to work at for a long time. Better hours, better pay, much closer to home (less than half the distance he's commuting now!)!!
He barely interviewed for it and the job was his. It was amazing. It was so cool how God provided something that Jake has wanted for a long time. Instead of moving out of state, he'll have a GREAT job here and we'll still get to be near all our friends, family, and church.
I'm just so thankful for God's blessings and for a great husband who works so hard!
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
More on The How
If you've just stopped on by, I'm tackling questions that people wonder about "big" families. I personally still think of us as "just us" and forget that our family size is a bit of a cultural abnormality. We aren't perfect, please don't look at my baseboards or in my cupboards, and most certainly not in my bedroom, when you come over, but we are happy and love what's going on in our "large" family. Take a look at this post if you want to see how this on going series got started and please feel free to leave any other questions that I can give you my view on. This label has all the "answers" thus far.
ryleeandnoahsmom asked:
Well... it sort of depends on the question and the mood I'm in ;-)
A lot of times people say "5 kids? Wow, God bless you!" I usually respond "He does!"
Then every so often I say something like this, in response to the question "Did you always wants so many kids?" :
"Well, the reason we have 5 kids is because my husband wanted a LOT. But I don't really like kids, so we only had 5."
The thing I think that's important about anything in your life is to be positive. If you aren't convinced you aren't going to convince anyone else! Also realize that there are a lot of negative people that are going to be rude no matter what you say. I've learned that if someone asks me something, I answer, and they continue with the negative - well then, I just smile and nod.
What they have to say isn't for me or you. And that's OK. You won't get everyone's approval, so it's a good thing you don't need it! I just want to make a positive impact that you can have many children and be extremely fulfilled and happy. Children aren't the downer to life, unlike popular opinion. So I try to keep that in mind when I speak to people.
ryleeandnoahsmom asked:
How do you choose to handle people's questions about the size of your family? Do you simply say, "we love kids!" or have a humorous retort, etc?
Well... it sort of depends on the question and the mood I'm in ;-)
A lot of times people say "5 kids? Wow, God bless you!" I usually respond "He does!"
Then every so often I say something like this, in response to the question "Did you always wants so many kids?" :
"Well, the reason we have 5 kids is because my husband wanted a LOT. But I don't really like kids, so we only had 5."
The thing I think that's important about anything in your life is to be positive. If you aren't convinced you aren't going to convince anyone else! Also realize that there are a lot of negative people that are going to be rude no matter what you say. I've learned that if someone asks me something, I answer, and they continue with the negative - well then, I just smile and nod.
What they have to say isn't for me or you. And that's OK. You won't get everyone's approval, so it's a good thing you don't need it! I just want to make a positive impact that you can have many children and be extremely fulfilled and happy. Children aren't the downer to life, unlike popular opinion. So I try to keep that in mind when I speak to people.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
It's Tuesday??
Time has passed me by. I'm sure you've noticed the lack of blogging!
I completely neglected my Monday Review for you. Although, look forward to next week - it's going to be a good one!! (there may be a surprise)
I don't like to tell the public when my husband has been out of town, but I will now say he is back! He was gone for training with the military for 15 days. He came back a week ago, and had scheduled this past week off of work for vacation at home. Am I ever thankful!
It's so hard when he's gone. Not because I can't handle running our house. I just realize the little things I miss. The smiles, hugs, and encouragement that comes from him. The whistling and singing around the house. There's such a joy that is in our home when Jake is here. The boys get wrestled with and the girls are adored. It means the world to all the kids to get that special attention from their Daddy.
Also in this past week a near and dear friend, her husband, and son were in town to visit. We spent lots and lots of time hanging out around campfires, coffee, meals, and more. Absolutely fantastic memories! It's so hard to live on opposite coasts from those you are close to and love. But thank goodness for holidays and special times that bring us back together each year!
I realized that I brought up "no 'pooing" without the consideration of leaving links to an explanation! Here are a few.
Also in this past week I spent some time on the phone with our agency about getting the ball rolling for adoption. We are working on our application right now. Sometimes I start feeling so nervous that we're going to take the very first step of such an enormous journey. I start wanting to see needs and how exactly they'll be filled and when things are going to come together. Then I remember I'm just walking along following the Lord, not leading. In any case, pray for us!
That sums up the week for me here. With one exception. I do have some exciting news to share soon but I'm not allowed to yet, but that's OK. Lest you think it has something to do with pregnancy, be assured we are not expecting. I have learned when I, mother of 5, tell people I have something exciting to share they jump to conclusions.
I completely neglected my Monday Review for you. Although, look forward to next week - it's going to be a good one!! (there may be a surprise)
I don't like to tell the public when my husband has been out of town, but I will now say he is back! He was gone for training with the military for 15 days. He came back a week ago, and had scheduled this past week off of work for vacation at home. Am I ever thankful!
It's so hard when he's gone. Not because I can't handle running our house. I just realize the little things I miss. The smiles, hugs, and encouragement that comes from him. The whistling and singing around the house. There's such a joy that is in our home when Jake is here. The boys get wrestled with and the girls are adored. It means the world to all the kids to get that special attention from their Daddy.
Also in this past week a near and dear friend, her husband, and son were in town to visit. We spent lots and lots of time hanging out around campfires, coffee, meals, and more. Absolutely fantastic memories! It's so hard to live on opposite coasts from those you are close to and love. But thank goodness for holidays and special times that bring us back together each year!
I realized that I brought up "no 'pooing" without the consideration of leaving links to an explanation! Here are a few.
Also in this past week I spent some time on the phone with our agency about getting the ball rolling for adoption. We are working on our application right now. Sometimes I start feeling so nervous that we're going to take the very first step of such an enormous journey. I start wanting to see needs and how exactly they'll be filled and when things are going to come together. Then I remember I'm just walking along following the Lord, not leading. In any case, pray for us!
That sums up the week for me here. With one exception. I do have some exciting news to share soon but I'm not allowed to yet, but that's OK. Lest you think it has something to do with pregnancy, be assured we are not expecting. I have learned when I, mother of 5, tell people I have something exciting to share they jump to conclusions.
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
The sea of garments
I have a question for you all about clothes. I've been doing a lot of laundry, and so my mind has been wandering around the clothesline.
As it tends to happen every so often in our house (every so often means I don't actually want to admit how often), I got behind in the laundry department. Not a big deal because everyone still had clean clothes to wear. But it is quite a chore to get lots of laundry done so that things can be tidy again.
With so many clothes, there is the flexibility to not have to wash as often. Or at least I tell myself that, in reality I still do laundry every day. With so many clothes there IS the opportunity to get them all dirty before washing and that is a lot of laundry my friends.
I'm wondering, how many clothes should the kids really have anyway? What's realistic? What's practical?
I remembered reading in an issue of Above Rubies about a woman who has 8 children and that each child is only allowed to have enough clothes to fill 1 laundry basket. I started thinking about the numerous laundry baskets that could be filled from my children's closets - not even beginning to touch the clothes in storage that they've outgrown.
I think my life would be so much simpler if we had less. Don't mistake me for a minimalist! But as I'm wading through the sea of garments I start to wonder - how much is too much?
What would you say is a sufficient wardrobe? How does the clothing issue work in your house?
As it tends to happen every so often in our house (every so often means I don't actually want to admit how often), I got behind in the laundry department. Not a big deal because everyone still had clean clothes to wear. But it is quite a chore to get lots of laundry done so that things can be tidy again.
With so many clothes, there is the flexibility to not have to wash as often. Or at least I tell myself that, in reality I still do laundry every day. With so many clothes there IS the opportunity to get them all dirty before washing and that is a lot of laundry my friends.
I'm wondering, how many clothes should the kids really have anyway? What's realistic? What's practical?
I remembered reading in an issue of Above Rubies about a woman who has 8 children and that each child is only allowed to have enough clothes to fill 1 laundry basket. I started thinking about the numerous laundry baskets that could be filled from my children's closets - not even beginning to touch the clothes in storage that they've outgrown.
I think my life would be so much simpler if we had less. Don't mistake me for a minimalist! But as I'm wading through the sea of garments I start to wonder - how much is too much?
What would you say is a sufficient wardrobe? How does the clothing issue work in your house?
Monday, July 21, 2008
Some more thoughts on homes
I loved all the feedback I received from everyone on the idea of cozy little homes. I especially thought a point from Mrs. Querido was noteworthy:
I have said to more than one person that I was exceedingly privileged as the oldest of 5 girls to have my own room to myself for almost my entire life.
My parents were very good about wanting to give me freedom and rewards for the responsibility I had as the oldest sibling. They were also always good about giving praise and honor when due.
I'm not entirely sure what decision making factors were used in allowing me to have my own room for most of my life, but I was sure thankful for it. I place to retreat to for peace and solitude. It was ideal.
Until... I realized when I got married how ill-suited my life of independence and personal space was in preparation for marriage.
Do you know that when you share a room that person will move your things?? Not to mention snoring. Or the fact that neither of you seem to share the same feelings on temperature.
At nearly 7 years of marriage later, it is still difficult for me at times to share a room! Not so for my husband, he shared a room his whole life. Contrasting the two of us, then also how I see my own children adapt very well to being with others since they constantly share their space, things, etc, we feel that perhaps our children should always share a room. To actually prepare them for real life.
What are your thoughts on sharing rooms?
My sister and I shared a very dinky room until I moved out and got married! We learned to share and respect each other's need for space. Great life lessons!
I have said to more than one person that I was exceedingly privileged as the oldest of 5 girls to have my own room to myself for almost my entire life.
My parents were very good about wanting to give me freedom and rewards for the responsibility I had as the oldest sibling. They were also always good about giving praise and honor when due.
I'm not entirely sure what decision making factors were used in allowing me to have my own room for most of my life, but I was sure thankful for it. I place to retreat to for peace and solitude. It was ideal.
Until... I realized when I got married how ill-suited my life of independence and personal space was in preparation for marriage.
Do you know that when you share a room that person will move your things?? Not to mention snoring. Or the fact that neither of you seem to share the same feelings on temperature.
At nearly 7 years of marriage later, it is still difficult for me at times to share a room! Not so for my husband, he shared a room his whole life. Contrasting the two of us, then also how I see my own children adapt very well to being with others since they constantly share their space, things, etc, we feel that perhaps our children should always share a room. To actually prepare them for real life.
What are your thoughts on sharing rooms?
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Attention
If you've just stopped on by, I'm tackling questions that people wonder about "big" families. I personally still think of us as "just us" and forget that our family size is a bit of a cultural abnormality. We aren't perfect, please don't look at my baseboards or in my cupboards, and most certainly not in my bedroom, when you come over, but we are happy and love what's going on in our "large" family. Take a look at this post if you want to see how this on going series got started and please feel free to leave any other questions that I can give you my view on.
Rissa asked
This seems to be a big concern for a lot of people. I get asked by perfect strangers how I can give enough attention to each child.
I guess I would have to ask how much individual attention do you think your kids need? I sincerely believe that God allows us the time we need to accomplish each days tasks. If you really feel like you need to spend more individual time with your child then I would say write down everything you do in a day and figure out how you can re-prioritize your day.
As far as how it works for our family, I found that when I had only 1 child he needed me a LOT more. When our third baby was born, the older two played more together. As it is right now, our 4 older kids ages 23 months - 6 play together all day long. Mostly, they need me for a little redirecting sometimes and the occasional referee call.
People ask me if having them so close in age is hard. I'm not sure. I imagine it would be a lot harder if they didn't have each other to play with!
As far as emotional needs, I do find that it all balances itself out. I don't feel like you can divide just your time up equally doing certain things, because for instance - Isaac could care less about me having "talking time" with him for long periods of time. In fact, it would be more like torture if I had him sit and talk with me for the same amount of time Giovanna likes to sit and talk. (I have no idea where she gets it from. Let's just say my husband is thankful I get my thoughts out on my blog! ;-))
We have one particular child who seems to need a lot more positive affirmation than the others. I have to remember to verbally praise that child and notice the small things, otherwise s/he will start acting out for the attention. Another one seems to need more frequent hugs through out the day, and I try to make myself available when I'm approached for affection. This one was more difficult for me than I thought it would be. I didn't realize that I tend to shrink back from lots of touching and affection, it's definitely not my "love language." But I recognize that it is important for all the kids and have made that change to be more affectionate, but one in particular child gets grouchy if s/he hasn't gotten their daily quota of needed hugs :-)
But those are just "in the moment" kind of things. I like the phrase "mother in the moments" that I read once, I wish I could tell you where.
I will drop what I'm doing if there is a pressing need of someone's. Yes, that takes up a big part of my days. But I remind myself I'm a professional Mommy not a professional housekeeper.
I do want to tell you that it is rare that all of the kids need me at the same time. Well, unless it's related to food ;-) I can think of only one or two times where all 5 had a demand at the same time. It's much more frequent when 2 kids need something at the same time. And honestly, no two situations are the same. So.. I just make the call on what to address first the best I can.
We do like to give the kids individual attention. I read on another Mommy's blog about taking their kids out for "dates" and that it's not very involved. She shared about a trip to take her son to McDonalds just to get a milk shake together. I thought that was great and we should start doing special outings like that.
If Jake or I do any kind of errand or trip away from the house we often try to match up a kid who needs some individual time or if they like that particular task a lot. For instance, Isaac LOVES to shovel coal in the winter. So he always goes with Jake when we need to get some more for the coal stove.
The kids are always with us, by our sides, and we try to include them in almost everything we do. We really feel like all the needs are met and it balances out great. It also provides constant teaching and training moments all day long. Because it's not just about giving them attention. It's about building their character.
Of course, we always feel like taking the Bible to mean exactly what it says is the best way to approach life.
Deuteronomy 11:19 "Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up."
Rissa asked
4. Do you ever consciously feel that you need to give more attention or love to any one child, just to make sure it's all balanced, or does it seem to balance itself? I always wonder if it will be difficult to manage each child's specific emotional needs. And, along the same lines, do your children ever get jealous of each other because one seems to be receiving more attention than another?
This seems to be a big concern for a lot of people. I get asked by perfect strangers how I can give enough attention to each child.
I guess I would have to ask how much individual attention do you think your kids need? I sincerely believe that God allows us the time we need to accomplish each days tasks. If you really feel like you need to spend more individual time with your child then I would say write down everything you do in a day and figure out how you can re-prioritize your day.
As far as how it works for our family, I found that when I had only 1 child he needed me a LOT more. When our third baby was born, the older two played more together. As it is right now, our 4 older kids ages 23 months - 6 play together all day long. Mostly, they need me for a little redirecting sometimes and the occasional referee call.
People ask me if having them so close in age is hard. I'm not sure. I imagine it would be a lot harder if they didn't have each other to play with!
As far as emotional needs, I do find that it all balances itself out. I don't feel like you can divide just your time up equally doing certain things, because for instance - Isaac could care less about me having "talking time" with him for long periods of time. In fact, it would be more like torture if I had him sit and talk with me for the same amount of time Giovanna likes to sit and talk. (I have no idea where she gets it from. Let's just say my husband is thankful I get my thoughts out on my blog! ;-))
We have one particular child who seems to need a lot more positive affirmation than the others. I have to remember to verbally praise that child and notice the small things, otherwise s/he will start acting out for the attention. Another one seems to need more frequent hugs through out the day, and I try to make myself available when I'm approached for affection. This one was more difficult for me than I thought it would be. I didn't realize that I tend to shrink back from lots of touching and affection, it's definitely not my "love language." But I recognize that it is important for all the kids and have made that change to be more affectionate, but one in particular child gets grouchy if s/he hasn't gotten their daily quota of needed hugs :-)
But those are just "in the moment" kind of things. I like the phrase "mother in the moments" that I read once, I wish I could tell you where.
I will drop what I'm doing if there is a pressing need of someone's. Yes, that takes up a big part of my days. But I remind myself I'm a professional Mommy not a professional housekeeper.
I do want to tell you that it is rare that all of the kids need me at the same time. Well, unless it's related to food ;-) I can think of only one or two times where all 5 had a demand at the same time. It's much more frequent when 2 kids need something at the same time. And honestly, no two situations are the same. So.. I just make the call on what to address first the best I can.
We do like to give the kids individual attention. I read on another Mommy's blog about taking their kids out for "dates" and that it's not very involved. She shared about a trip to take her son to McDonalds just to get a milk shake together. I thought that was great and we should start doing special outings like that.
If Jake or I do any kind of errand or trip away from the house we often try to match up a kid who needs some individual time or if they like that particular task a lot. For instance, Isaac LOVES to shovel coal in the winter. So he always goes with Jake when we need to get some more for the coal stove.
The kids are always with us, by our sides, and we try to include them in almost everything we do. We really feel like all the needs are met and it balances out great. It also provides constant teaching and training moments all day long. Because it's not just about giving them attention. It's about building their character.
Of course, we always feel like taking the Bible to mean exactly what it says is the best way to approach life.
Deuteronomy 11:19 "Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up."
Friday, July 18, 2008
Do kids = stress? Part 2
Psalm 143:10 "Teach me to do your will, for you are my God; may your good Spirit lead me on level ground."
I particularly like that verse. Why so much? Because we know from countless verses that if we ask the Lord for wisdom, He gives it to us. I can confidently tell you that if you pray to the Lord that He would teach you to do His will, He most surely will.
I turn to the Lord. I pray "Lord, teach me to do your will." And I usually start writing some things down.
If you feel stressed I would suggest this. Eliminate anything extra you have going on outside of the home, and even some of the extra things in the home. Spend some time with the Lord. Pray that He would show you how to get your days in order and your attitude in check.
I find making a list extremely helpful. Ask the Lord "What are the top 3 things I need to get done today above all else?"
Does this mean that I always get everything done that I want to or needs to be done? Nope! :-)
But when you examine your heart, I think you find the things that are really causing you the stress. (hint : it's not the kids!)
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Do kids = stress? Part 1
If you've just stopped on by, I'm tackling questions that people wonder about "big" families. I personally still think of us as "just us" and forget that our family size is a bit of a cultural abnormality. We aren't perfect, please don't look at my baseboards or in my cupboards, and most certainly not in my bedroom, when you come over, but we are happy and love what's going on in our "large" family. Take a look at this post if you want to see how this on going series got started and please feel free to leave any other questions that I can give you my view on.
Rissa and Dave asked:
Ah ha ha. How I answer this is going to depend on the day. ;-) I actually think I have less time to think about feeling frazzled now than before.
In all seriousness, I was totally stressed out when I had 1 child. Maybe because I was young. Maybe because I suddenly changed careers (surgical assistant to professional mom). Maybe all first kids are frightening. I'm not sure. But I did NOT know how to handle being at a house all day, taking care of a little dictator, and keeping a home.
But after that first child and his first year, I started to become more settled in my role instead of just "reacting" to motherhood.
Something I realized is that being stressed out, frazzled, unqualified, unhappy, scared, etc - while a lot of those emotions are normal when it feels like there isn't enough of you to go around, most if it has to do with the condition of your heart.
Do I get stressed? Yes. I'm glad I seem even-keeled. To me that says that the Lord has really done a work in my life.
I have learned 2 things.
1) When I'm not spending time with the Lord, I do not have magical constant inner peace. If I'm not peaceful, it reflects in the home. When I spend time with Him each day, I find that I have all I need just as His word promises! Amazing. :-)
2) When I start to get to the place of being overly stressed I try to step back and understand why. It would be easy to blame the kids, sure. But am I overreacting? Am I overstressed because I have personally stretched myself too thin with too many commitments outside the home? Did I stay up too late the night before? Did I remember to eat a good breakfast? Have I spent time dawdling to avoid the things I dislike and now run out of enough time? Did I spend time with the Lord today? Did I chat 5 minutes too long on the phone with a friend and the kids not get some attention they needed? Did I remember that my day is not just about a checklist, maintaining a home, but about investing into the hearts and souls of my children?
I encourage you, if you feel like your plate is too full spend some time before the Lord. Ask Him to show you how to order your days, what is causing you stress, what is in your life that shouldn't be (hint : it's never the kids, they're supposed to be there!), and to help you remember that you have all your need for an abundant life!
More on this in part 2, coming soon!
Rissa and Dave asked:
3. Do you feel more frazzled the more children you have? You always seem so even-keeled to me. I really admire that. Do you ever wake up and think, "How am I going to do this today?" and if so, how do you push through it anyway?
Ah ha ha. How I answer this is going to depend on the day. ;-) I actually think I have less time to think about feeling frazzled now than before.
In all seriousness, I was totally stressed out when I had 1 child. Maybe because I was young. Maybe because I suddenly changed careers (surgical assistant to professional mom). Maybe all first kids are frightening. I'm not sure. But I did NOT know how to handle being at a house all day, taking care of a little dictator, and keeping a home.
But after that first child and his first year, I started to become more settled in my role instead of just "reacting" to motherhood.
Something I realized is that being stressed out, frazzled, unqualified, unhappy, scared, etc - while a lot of those emotions are normal when it feels like there isn't enough of you to go around, most if it has to do with the condition of your heart.
Do I get stressed? Yes. I'm glad I seem even-keeled. To me that says that the Lord has really done a work in my life.
I have learned 2 things.
1) When I'm not spending time with the Lord, I do not have magical constant inner peace. If I'm not peaceful, it reflects in the home. When I spend time with Him each day, I find that I have all I need just as His word promises! Amazing. :-)
2) When I start to get to the place of being overly stressed I try to step back and understand why. It would be easy to blame the kids, sure. But am I overreacting? Am I overstressed because I have personally stretched myself too thin with too many commitments outside the home? Did I stay up too late the night before? Did I remember to eat a good breakfast? Have I spent time dawdling to avoid the things I dislike and now run out of enough time? Did I spend time with the Lord today? Did I chat 5 minutes too long on the phone with a friend and the kids not get some attention they needed? Did I remember that my day is not just about a checklist, maintaining a home, but about investing into the hearts and souls of my children?
I encourage you, if you feel like your plate is too full spend some time before the Lord. Ask Him to show you how to order your days, what is causing you stress, what is in your life that shouldn't be (hint : it's never the kids, they're supposed to be there!), and to help you remember that you have all your need for an abundant life!
More on this in part 2, coming soon!
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
Family Devotions
If you've just stopped on by, I'm tackling questions that people wonder about "big" families. I personally still think of us as "just us" and forget that our family size is a bit of a cultural abnormality. We aren't perfect, please don't look at my baseboards or in my cupboards, and most certainly not in my bedroom, when you come over, but we are happy and love what's going on in our "large" family. Take a look at this post if you want to see how this on going series got started and please feel free to leave any other questions that I can give you my view on.
Rissa asked:
No. We don't. Stop that! Put your telephone down! I know you were about to call every Christian we know.
The truth of the matter is that family devotions has been something I've wanted to do for.ev.er.
The hard part is, neither Jake or I had any kind of model to work with from our own childhood. We haven't known how to go about this, and so as a family we have not done it. Bad excuse right? That's the truth though. If you ask questions here, you will get answers.
Also, in our family history you throw in the military training and deployment and the insane schedule my husband works and we don't have a consistent time each week.
However, remember the book I quoted in my last answer? In All The Way Home
by Mary Pride she talks about "doing" a church service at home. To not only have a family worship time and teaching the word to your children, but also for them to practice their church manners.
We both liked the concept so much that we are going to start. I'm sure this will be revolutionary to our kids but I'm happy about that. And I promise to update you as we introduce this to our family and let you know how it goes, what worked, and what didn't.
Also, this year the homeschool curriculum we chose is so biblically based in everything you teach I feel like that will definitely help us catch up on all the devotional time "lost" in the last 6 years.
Rissa asked:
2. Do you have family devotions (or the like) together? How does it work with young children?
No. We don't. Stop that! Put your telephone down! I know you were about to call every Christian we know.
The truth of the matter is that family devotions has been something I've wanted to do for.ev.er.
The hard part is, neither Jake or I had any kind of model to work with from our own childhood. We haven't known how to go about this, and so as a family we have not done it. Bad excuse right? That's the truth though. If you ask questions here, you will get answers.
Also, in our family history you throw in the military training and deployment and the insane schedule my husband works and we don't have a consistent time each week.
However, remember the book I quoted in my last answer? In All The Way Home
by Mary Pride she talks about "doing" a church service at home. To not only have a family worship time and teaching the word to your children, but also for them to practice their church manners.We both liked the concept so much that we are going to start. I'm sure this will be revolutionary to our kids but I'm happy about that. And I promise to update you as we introduce this to our family and let you know how it goes, what worked, and what didn't.
Also, this year the homeschool curriculum we chose is so biblically based in everything you teach I feel like that will definitely help us catch up on all the devotional time "lost" in the last 6 years.
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
A Happy Birthday
If you've just stopped on by, I'm tackling questions that people wonder about "big" families. I personally still think of us as "just us" and forget that our family size is a bit of a cultural abnormality. We aren't perfect, please don't look at my baseboards or in my cupboards, and most certainly not in my bedroom, when you come over, but we are happy and love what's going on in our "large" family. Take a look at this post if you want to see how this on going series got started and please feel free to leave any other questions that I can give you my view on.
Rissa asked :
This is a great question. I think it's great for three reasons. 1) I struggled with it for so long. 2) It's very interesting to me that parents feel either so very validated or invalidated by what they do for a child's birthday 3) I feel like our culture has blown birthdays out of proportion.
How do you handle birthdays? Well, we decided we would throw a party for our children when they turn 1. That first year is pretty momentous and it is fun to have a picture of a baby with frosting all over their face. You can call me weird, but you know you like it too ;-)
Our personal family choice after that was to wait until around age 5ish or whenever the child asked. Why go to great lengths for something that they would rather be napping through?
Isaac wasn't really interested in having a party until his last birthday, and we kept it low key since I had just had our fifth baby. We ordered pizza, we only invited 2 other families, and I made sure there was a goody bag for each child. The kids just played with our regular toys until pizza and cake time and were allowed to each take home some of the pirate cake decorations. And you know what? It was proclaimed not only by my son but by two other kids attending to be "the coolest party ever." Chalk one up for me, the coolest mom ever.
Naturally, now that Isaac had a birthday party our daughter Giovanna is planning her birthday party for her fifth birthday this winter. That's OK with me. I think we'll follow the keeping it simple method.
Do you give a party for each child every year? Do you switch off? I kind of jumped ahead in answering the last one, but in case it wasn't clear we haven't done that yet. We've had lots of discussions on birthdays and what we will or will not do. I've recently been toying with the idea of letting a child have a party every other year. And on the year they don't get to have a party with friends perhaps letting them invite 1 friend to enjoy the family dinner celebration. With 5 kids, that's still a lot of parties! I'm sure I'll keep you posted on the progression of this decision.
Do you feel that each child "deserves" a party? I think that on a child's birthday they deserve the same thing they deserve every other day of the year: To be a part of the family and to be loved by the family.
Now before you take that to be a "downer" sort of a reply, this is what I mean by it.
I think that a child's birthday is a special time for them to be celebrated and shown love by the family. But if the entire family is stressed out emotionally, physically, and/or financially by a birthday celebration? Well then, I don't think that's a really wise thing to do. Nor do I think it's an accurate display of love for the child.
It not only isn't good for the family as a whole, but it's unhealthy for a child to think they "deserve" something no matter what the cost or for them to feel guilty because of the stress the rest of the family is bearing that day. No child deserves an unhealthy environment and no child deserves to feel like the cause of stress.
So those are my thoughts thus far on birthdays. They should be a blessing for the child and family, considering it's a celebration of how the family was blessed by that child! In closing, I want to share an excerpt from a book with you. It's a little long but worthwhile on this topic. I especially like point #2, as I feel many times the celebrations thrown for children are more about the parents and I love the concept in point #7.
From All The Way Home by Mary Pride, Chapter 8 "Is There Life After T.V.?", pages 125-126 :
Rissa asked :
1. How do you handle birthdays? Do you give a party for each child every year? Do you switch off? Do you feel that each child "deserves" a party?
This is a great question. I think it's great for three reasons. 1) I struggled with it for so long. 2) It's very interesting to me that parents feel either so very validated or invalidated by what they do for a child's birthday 3) I feel like our culture has blown birthdays out of proportion.
How do you handle birthdays? Well, we decided we would throw a party for our children when they turn 1. That first year is pretty momentous and it is fun to have a picture of a baby with frosting all over their face. You can call me weird, but you know you like it too ;-)
Our personal family choice after that was to wait until around age 5ish or whenever the child asked. Why go to great lengths for something that they would rather be napping through?
Isaac wasn't really interested in having a party until his last birthday, and we kept it low key since I had just had our fifth baby. We ordered pizza, we only invited 2 other families, and I made sure there was a goody bag for each child. The kids just played with our regular toys until pizza and cake time and were allowed to each take home some of the pirate cake decorations. And you know what? It was proclaimed not only by my son but by two other kids attending to be "the coolest party ever." Chalk one up for me, the coolest mom ever.
Naturally, now that Isaac had a birthday party our daughter Giovanna is planning her birthday party for her fifth birthday this winter. That's OK with me. I think we'll follow the keeping it simple method.
Do you give a party for each child every year? Do you switch off? I kind of jumped ahead in answering the last one, but in case it wasn't clear we haven't done that yet. We've had lots of discussions on birthdays and what we will or will not do. I've recently been toying with the idea of letting a child have a party every other year. And on the year they don't get to have a party with friends perhaps letting them invite 1 friend to enjoy the family dinner celebration. With 5 kids, that's still a lot of parties! I'm sure I'll keep you posted on the progression of this decision.
Do you feel that each child "deserves" a party? I think that on a child's birthday they deserve the same thing they deserve every other day of the year: To be a part of the family and to be loved by the family.
Now before you take that to be a "downer" sort of a reply, this is what I mean by it.
I think that a child's birthday is a special time for them to be celebrated and shown love by the family. But if the entire family is stressed out emotionally, physically, and/or financially by a birthday celebration? Well then, I don't think that's a really wise thing to do. Nor do I think it's an accurate display of love for the child.
It not only isn't good for the family as a whole, but it's unhealthy for a child to think they "deserve" something no matter what the cost or for them to feel guilty because of the stress the rest of the family is bearing that day. No child deserves an unhealthy environment and no child deserves to feel like the cause of stress.
So those are my thoughts thus far on birthdays. They should be a blessing for the child and family, considering it's a celebration of how the family was blessed by that child! In closing, I want to share an excerpt from a book with you. It's a little long but worthwhile on this topic. I especially like point #2, as I feel many times the celebrations thrown for children are more about the parents and I love the concept in point #7.
From All The Way Home by Mary Pride, Chapter 8 "Is There Life After T.V.?", pages 125-126 :
The Lazy Mother's Guide to Birthday Parties
1) Make sure everyone gets a present, if presents are given. We always buy one little gift a piece for the other children when one is celebrating this birthday. This prevents jealousy.
2) Keep it simple. The more excess effort you exert when designing the celebration, the bigger the success it has to be to keep you from feeling like a failure. Children are just as happy with a Betty Crocker cake with supermarket frosting as with a three-story wonder covered with chocolate clowns and licorice lions.
3) That is, unless you like and are good at doing decorations. Just don't let Gertie Goodwife's bravura performances bamboozle you into feeling you have to match her artistry. (Hint: M&M's and other candies stuck on a cake look fancy and take almost no time. The kids can even do it!)
4) Balloons are always a hit with little kids.
5) If you buy presents, choose items that allow children to be creative. Art supplies are great!
6) Out of a dozen miserable childhood memories I beg you not to organize competitive games, and especially not to award prizes to the winners. Someone always has to be the loser, and to be the only lose with no prize in the midst of a crowd of excited, romping children is almost unbearable.
7) A birthday party is an opportunity for the birthday child and his brothers and sisters to practice hospitality. Remind them that their job is to make sure the guests have a good time. This turns the birthday child away from a selfish concern about "What am I gonna get?"
8) Presents are twice as much fun if you put together a Treasure Hunt with clues leading to the presents. This need not be elaborate. I myself write the clues on Post-Its and let the other children put them in their hiding places ahead of time.
9) I personally feel it is worth it to buy special birthday paper plates and tablecloths, etc. Set-up and clean-up are much easier, and they add a lot to the party atmosphere.
10) Our family's rule is to not give a party to a one-year-old. He or she is too little to enjoy it. Two-year-olds get their first party with just brothers and sisters. Three-year-olds can invite one or two guests. Four-year-olds and up can invite more. This way each child is able to enjoy the event without becoming overwhelmed.
We purchase presents up to a month in advance and party gear the week of the party. I always make the cake the day before, and usually frost and decorate the it the night before. Then all I have to do for the party is set the party plates, make a Treasure Hunt and watch the children have fun!
Other mothers give much more elaborate parties. I have avoided this, not just out of laziness, but because I don't want our children to become jaded connoisseurs. Too much fanciness distracts from the food and the guests.
Since a birthday is our chance to thank God for giving us this child and preserving him for us, we make a point of thanking God for this during our evening prayers, and also at the party itself. We also slow down the present-opening time enough to make sure the birthday child thanks the giver and the Lord for every present.
Sunday, July 13, 2008
A little mover and shaker
Remember I mentioned that Shiloh is on the move?
Is she ever! She is completely unhappy being put somewhere where it restrains her to be entertained. She does not want to play with appropriate baby toys and things she would be allowed to chew on. She wants to search the house looking for cords, or pieces of paper, shoes, generally just anything inappropriate for a baby she is drawn like a magnet to.
She has also started to master a little temper tantrum which has shocked me. I take something from Shiloh and put her back somewhere safe, she cries and cries all the while looking at me to convey "You have broken my heart, you know that right?"
I'm constantly reminding all the big kids that they can't leave anything on the floor. This has been a concept that has not sunk in for my kids. I've been feeling like "Gosh, why is it so much harder this time?" And I realized it's not harder per say, it's just different.
It's different in that I have 4 kids to remind not to leave things out which is more than before. It's also different because Shiloh is my first baby to put everything she comes in contact with into her mouth. The other kids did on occasion, but she gives everything the chew test.
It's different because the other kids would be content to occasionally play in a walker, exersaucer, jumparoo, swing, etc. Shiloh will allow us to put her to play in her high chair for periods of time, but then remembers "Oh yeah, I can move now! Let me down!!"
It's different because Liam was primarily interested in climbing. So crawling took on a totally different dimension for him. And I chased a climber for a while instead of chasing a chewer.
And of course, it's entirely possible that maybe it's different because the other kids have grown up so fast that I just don't remember.
Is she ever! She is completely unhappy being put somewhere where it restrains her to be entertained. She does not want to play with appropriate baby toys and things she would be allowed to chew on. She wants to search the house looking for cords, or pieces of paper, shoes, generally just anything inappropriate for a baby she is drawn like a magnet to.
She has also started to master a little temper tantrum which has shocked me. I take something from Shiloh and put her back somewhere safe, she cries and cries all the while looking at me to convey "You have broken my heart, you know that right?"
I'm constantly reminding all the big kids that they can't leave anything on the floor. This has been a concept that has not sunk in for my kids. I've been feeling like "Gosh, why is it so much harder this time?" And I realized it's not harder per say, it's just different.
It's different in that I have 4 kids to remind not to leave things out which is more than before. It's also different because Shiloh is my first baby to put everything she comes in contact with into her mouth. The other kids did on occasion, but she gives everything the chew test.
It's different because the other kids would be content to occasionally play in a walker, exersaucer, jumparoo, swing, etc. Shiloh will allow us to put her to play in her high chair for periods of time, but then remembers "Oh yeah, I can move now! Let me down!!"
It's different because Liam was primarily interested in climbing. So crawling took on a totally different dimension for him. And I chased a climber for a while instead of chasing a chewer.
And of course, it's entirely possible that maybe it's different because the other kids have grown up so fast that I just don't remember.
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