Encouragement

I've written a little before about my son Isaac. Isaac is a bright boy, with a gorgeous smile, stop-you-in-your-tracks dimples, and brings laughter with him where ever he goes.

Isaac also falls into the dubious category of "special needs." I'm not even sure what I think about that label. I have not decided yet whether I like to use it or not. It still causes me to pause and reflect that I have a child who has special needs. I do, not someone else, not other families, not a passerby in the store - but me.

There is still no official decision on what sort of needs Isaac is affiliated with, whether it be Asperger's Syndrome, an Auditory Processing Delay, or an actual Language Disorder.

In the past two years we've seen such huge progress in leaps and bounds for Isaac. In comparison to his previous struggles he is flourishing. He enjoys activities that the not special, average children do ;-) haha.. I couldn't help myself with that one, sorry. Previously he wouldn't be able to engage in such ways, but now loves digging in the dirt, climbing trees, playing t-ball, Frisbee, light saber battles, and trying to outrun anyone who will give him the opportunity to race. When we go new places he is now actively engaging new friends to play and talk. In all the growth I find myself occasionally forgetting that Isaac is not the same as the children he interacts with.

It's moments like recently reading through the report from a Speech Pathologist who has evaluated Isaac, so we can get him back into speech therapy, when I remember there is still an upwards hill to climb.

I feel a vice squeeze my mother's heart when I read things like "moderate delay" and "moderate to severe impairment" "inability to complete age appropriate..." "displays clear difficulty" and on and on through 12 very long, gut wrenching pages.

I think the natural response to seeing your child's struggles laid out before you, especially for mothers, is to feel as though you have in someway failed your child. At least that's the feeling that has come back to me over and over again through the past few years. My son, how could my son that I love so much and give everything possible to, is struggling - what haven't I done? How have I failed him?

I then start to question if I can really do best by him. Can I really educate Isaac best? Can I be the one to help get through to him to teach him? Will I hamper his growth?

A revelation that I came to that has been really important to me to remember is this : my son is not broken that I need to send him to someone else to be repaired. My son was also given to me by God because I will follow His leading and speak to Isaac in a direct way that he can understand - that only I know how to do.

I write this today for mom's who question if they were really meant for the job that is at hand before them.

When you feel unqualified because you're facing a Goliath sized task, that clearly you have no experience in, remember you have all you need. (Ph. 4:19)

When you wonder if God knew what He was doing when He placed a specific child in your home, remember that He knows the plans He has for you and that child and unsurprisingly to Him they involve you both together. (Jer. 29:11)

When you see your child struggle, whether it's a special needs child or not, do not take to mean that their struggles are a result of your failure - your child is not broken. He is dearly loved and created by One who knows him perfectly, and will give you all the wisdom you need to raise him should you seek Him. (Ps. 139:13, James 1:5, Heb. 13:20-21)

He has given you your children and your tasks, no matter how "special" the difficulties may be, because He can make it possible.

Made for me by Isaac, "just because."