Standing Out

Every so often a scripture I've read numerous times and heard quoted innumerable times pops up out of the print and starts to dance around in my mind.... poking different parts of my brain causing me to think of it through a new light. Tonight I was reading Romans 5 and this verse started to appear differently to me...

Romans 5:5 "Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us."

Now what exactly do you think that means? Specifically the connection between hope not disappointing + God's love in our hearts from the Holy Spirit?

In God We Trust

Right now there is a chance for Christians to let the mainstream media know how we feel about our nation's foundation on Biblical truths.

MSNBC is conducting a poll that I encourage you to participate in as soon as possible. They're asking the public, should the motto "In God We Trust" be removed from our currency?

Right now the votes stand at 36% say "Yes. It's a violation of the principle of the separation of church and state." and 64% say "No. The motto has historical and patriotic significance and does nothing to establish a state religion."

More on The How

If you've just stopped on by, I'm tackling questions that people wonder about "big" families. I personally still think of us as "just us" and forget that our family size is a bit of a cultural abnormality. We aren't perfect, please don't look at my baseboards or in my cupboards, and most certainly not in my bedroom, when you come over, but we are happy and love what's going on in our "large" family. Take a look at this post if you want to see how this on going series got started and please feel free to leave any other questions that I can give you my view on. This label has all the "answers" thus far.


ryleeandnoahsmom asked:

How do you choose to handle people's questions about the size of your family? Do you simply say, "we love kids!" or have a humorous retort, etc?

Well... it sort of depends on the question and the mood I'm in ;-)

A lot of times people say "5 kids? Wow, God bless you!" I usually respond "He does!"

Then every so often I say something like this, in response to the question "Did you always wants so many kids?" :

"Well, the reason we have 5 kids is because my husband wanted a LOT. But I don't really like kids, so we only had 5."



The thing I think that's important about anything in your life is to be positive. If you aren't convinced you aren't going to convince anyone else! Also realize that there are a lot of negative people that are going to be rude no matter what you say. I've learned that if someone asks me something, I answer, and they continue with the negative - well then, I just smile and nod.

What they have to say isn't for me or you. And that's OK. You won't get everyone's approval, so it's a good thing you don't need it! I just want to make a positive impact that you can have many children and be extremely fulfilled and happy. Children aren't the downer to life, unlike popular opinion. So I try to keep that in mind when I speak to people.

It's Tuesday??

Time has passed me by. I'm sure you've noticed the lack of blogging!

I completely neglected my Monday Review for you. Although, look forward to next week - it's going to be a good one!! (there may be a surprise)

I don't like to tell the public when my husband has been out of town, but I will now say he is back! He was gone for training with the military for 15 days. He came back a week ago, and had scheduled this past week off of work for vacation at home. Am I ever thankful!

It's so hard when he's gone. Not because I can't handle running our house. I just realize the little things I miss. The smiles, hugs, and encouragement that comes from him. The whistling and singing around the house. There's such a joy that is in our home when Jake is here. The boys get wrestled with and the girls are adored. It means the world to all the kids to get that special attention from their Daddy.

Also in this past week a near and dear friend, her husband, and son were in town to visit. We spent lots and lots of time hanging out around campfires, coffee, meals, and more. Absolutely fantastic memories! It's so hard to live on opposite coasts from those you are close to and love. But thank goodness for holidays and special times that bring us back together each year!

I realized that I brought up "no 'pooing" without the consideration of leaving links to an explanation! Here are a few.

Also in this past week I spent some time on the phone with our agency about getting the ball rolling for adoption. We are working on our application right now. Sometimes I start feeling so nervous that we're going to take the very first step of such an enormous journey. I start wanting to see needs and how exactly they'll be filled and when things are going to come together. Then I remember I'm just walking along following the Lord, not leading. In any case, pray for us!

That sums up the week for me here. With one exception. I do have some exciting news to share soon but I'm not allowed to yet, but that's OK. Lest you think it has something to do with pregnancy, be assured we are not expecting. I have learned when I, mother of 5, tell people I have something exciting to share they jump to conclusions.

Do kids = stress? Part 2

Psalm 143:10 "Teach me to do your will, for you are my God; may your good Spirit lead me on level ground."

I particularly like that verse. Why so much? Because we know from countless verses that if we ask the Lord for wisdom, He gives it to us. I can confidently tell you that if you pray to the Lord that He would teach you to do His will, He most surely will.

So what does this have to do with kids and stress? I think that a mother of 2 can find herself feeling just as overwhelmed as a mother of 10. Sometimes, we find ourselves in places when we don't know where to go from here or what to do.

I turn to the Lord. I pray "Lord, teach me to do your will." And I usually start writing some things down.

If you feel stressed I would suggest this. Eliminate anything extra you have going on outside of the home, and even some of the extra things in the home. Spend some time with the Lord. Pray that He would show you how to get your days in order and your attitude in check.

I find making a list extremely helpful. Ask the Lord "What are the top 3 things I need to get done today above all else?"

Does this mean that I always get everything done that I want to or needs to be done? Nope! :-)

But when you examine your heart, I think you find the things that are really causing you the stress. (hint : it's not the kids!)

Family Devotions

If you've just stopped on by, I'm tackling questions that people wonder about "big" families. I personally still think of us as "just us" and forget that our family size is a bit of a cultural abnormality. We aren't perfect, please don't look at my baseboards or in my cupboards, and most certainly not in my bedroom, when you come over, but we are happy and love what's going on in our "large" family. Take a look at this post if you want to see how this on going series got started and please feel free to leave any other questions that I can give you my view on.

Rissa asked:

2. Do you have family devotions (or the like) together? How does it work with young children?

No. We don't. Stop that! Put your telephone down! I know you were about to call every Christian we know.

The truth of the matter is that family devotions has been something I've wanted to do for.ev.er.

The hard part is, neither Jake or I had any kind of model to work with from our own childhood. We haven't known how to go about this, and so as a family we have not done it. Bad excuse right? That's the truth though. If you ask questions here, you will get answers.

Also, in our family history you throw in the military training and deployment and the insane schedule my husband works and we don't have a consistent time each week.

However, remember the book I quoted in my last answer? In All The Way Home by Mary Pride she talks about "doing" a church service at home. To not only have a family worship time and teaching the word to your children, but also for them to practice their church manners.

We both liked the concept so much that we are going to start. I'm sure this will be revolutionary to our kids but I'm happy about that. And I promise to update you as we introduce this to our family and let you know how it goes, what worked, and what didn't.

Also, this year the homeschool curriculum we chose is so biblically based in everything you teach I feel like that will definitely help us catch up on all the devotional time "lost" in the last 6 years.

Cozy Little Home

As I mentioned, there have been enough questions asked so far in response to "The How" to give me lots of blogging material! I'm excited :-)

I think I'll generally answer them in order. But before getting to questions, I want to reply to a statement made in a comment on the previous day's post. In sharing part of a family story, the commenter writes: "things were getting hectic around our little house so what do we do now?"

I just wanted to start there because it brought to mind my feeling exactly when we found out we were pregnant with Liam, our fourth child.

We had just moved into our house, and for a few months prior people were joking with me "You know the old saying, New house new baby!" Sure enough, 1 1/2 months after settling in I told my hubby baby #4 was on the way.

That year my husband had returned from being deployed. I had given birth to our third child, while the kids and I lived in a 1 bedroom apartment. When he came home we started looking at housing options. In our neck of the woods buying a small home costs as much as renting. So we looked for a while and found our cozy little home.

We bought it hoping we could make it work for 5-7 years. It was a 3 bedroom, with 2 bathrooms, and the living/dining/kitchen are all open to each other so it makes the house feel much larger than it is.

With baby #4 on the way I realized we were outgrowing our home just as soon as we bought it. Since our baby was born a boy, we had 2 boys in one room and 2 girls in another. It worked, there was enough room, it was socially acceptable.

When I became pregnant with Shiloh (baby #5) a commonly asked question was "Where are you going to put her??" The more I was asked, the more I stressed out about it. I started answering "well, the girls room is the bigger one, so it will work while they're young. And for the first year she'll probably be in our room while nursing." Trying to justify why we'd continue to populate our already overcrowded house. I would look at houses for sale nearby, and try to figure out how we could afford another move so soon.

One day when I was driving and praying to the Lord I just had this revelation "We have plenty of room."

I started considering how the average house size has been getting larger, while the average family has been getting smaller. I think this article from July 4, 2006 sums it up. In a 1,400 sq. ft house our family is together. All. the. time. Most people can't handle that. Our culture discourages it.

I ask you, what happens when you get to be all by yourself, with all your own things, whenever you want, without anyone's interfering?

The above referrenced article says this :

Consider: Back in the 1950s and '60s, people thought it was normal for a family to have one bathroom, or for two or three growing boys to share a bedroom.

Did you notice how they implied the following : "people thought it was normal" They're inferring that it was anything but. In actuality, it was normal then. There's no reason why it can't be normal now. No reason except for peer pressure. That's right, we're adults but we still cave to peer pressure. It's called, Keeping up with the Joneses.

We have 2 bathrooms in our house, 2 full ones! Not to mention, our house is larger than the average 1950's home. I imagine that if we lived back then, we'd be considered wealthy. And... back then, if we thought our home wasn't big enough for us I'm sure we'd be dubbed snobs as well.

I started thinking about people who live in poor countries in the world. How 10 family members will live in a 1 room house, about 12 ft x 12 ft.

I started thinking about how if we needed more room maybe we could get rid of our stuff.

I started thinking about what are the real necessities in life : food, shelter, water. We have far more than the bare necessities.

It was then I acknowledged that revelation to me while praying was indeed from the Lord. We have plenty of room. Sometime if you're interested I could share how we're making our house work for us and how we plan to for a long time to come unless the Lord shows us otherwise.

Remember that what you have, both in terms of your housing and your family, was given to you by the Lord. And remember that He not only knows all of our needs, but His word says this: Matthew 25:21 "His lord said to him, ‘Well done, good and faithful servant; you were faithful over a few things, I will make you ruler over many things. Enter into the joy of your lord.’"

Let us be faithful with what we have.

Humbled

Remember not too long ago I mentioned our decision to sponsor a child through Compassion? Today we received our first letter from her. Her father is dead (we weren't sure if he was, or if he had left his family) and she is the youngest of 5 kids (we thought she was the youngest of 6 kids).

She spoke of her village and how much she enjoys it. She attends Sunday School and wanted to know about our family and what our "village" was like. I was so blessed and humbled as she thanked us repeatedly for sponsoring her and said she prays for God to bless our family and asks Him to give us grace and blessing in all that we do.

On one hand I feel so proud and thankful of our decision to sponsor a child. And on the other, I feel so embarrassed to be thanked so profusely for giving a meager $32 a month. You would think that we left a large inheritance to her by her gratefulness. $32 a month means doing some adjusting in our budget and lifestyle, but we could make it work. But it certainly wasn't impossible and it's almost shameful to feel like someone thinks we've made a great sacrifice to help her needs. It quite seriously causes me to ask myself the question "What took us so long to do something so right?"

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Encouragement

I've written a little before about my son Isaac. Isaac is a bright boy, with a gorgeous smile, stop-you-in-your-tracks dimples, and brings laughter with him where ever he goes.

Isaac also falls into the dubious category of "special needs." I'm not even sure what I think about that label. I have not decided yet whether I like to use it or not. It still causes me to pause and reflect that I have a child who has special needs. I do, not someone else, not other families, not a passerby in the store - but me.

There is still no official decision on what sort of needs Isaac is affiliated with, whether it be Asperger's Syndrome, an Auditory Processing Delay, or an actual Language Disorder.

In the past two years we've seen such huge progress in leaps and bounds for Isaac. In comparison to his previous struggles he is flourishing. He enjoys activities that the not special, average children do ;-) haha.. I couldn't help myself with that one, sorry. Previously he wouldn't be able to engage in such ways, but now loves digging in the dirt, climbing trees, playing t-ball, Frisbee, light saber battles, and trying to outrun anyone who will give him the opportunity to race. When we go new places he is now actively engaging new friends to play and talk. In all the growth I find myself occasionally forgetting that Isaac is not the same as the children he interacts with.

It's moments like recently reading through the report from a Speech Pathologist who has evaluated Isaac, so we can get him back into speech therapy, when I remember there is still an upwards hill to climb.

I feel a vice squeeze my mother's heart when I read things like "moderate delay" and "moderate to severe impairment" "inability to complete age appropriate..." "displays clear difficulty" and on and on through 12 very long, gut wrenching pages.

I think the natural response to seeing your child's struggles laid out before you, especially for mothers, is to feel as though you have in someway failed your child. At least that's the feeling that has come back to me over and over again through the past few years. My son, how could my son that I love so much and give everything possible to, is struggling - what haven't I done? How have I failed him?

I then start to question if I can really do best by him. Can I really educate Isaac best? Can I be the one to help get through to him to teach him? Will I hamper his growth?

A revelation that I came to that has been really important to me to remember is this : my son is not broken that I need to send him to someone else to be repaired. My son was also given to me by God because I will follow His leading and speak to Isaac in a direct way that he can understand - that only I know how to do.

I write this today for mom's who question if they were really meant for the job that is at hand before them.

When you feel unqualified because you're facing a Goliath sized task, that clearly you have no experience in, remember you have all you need. (Ph. 4:19)

When you wonder if God knew what He was doing when He placed a specific child in your home, remember that He knows the plans He has for you and that child and unsurprisingly to Him they involve you both together. (Jer. 29:11)

When you see your child struggle, whether it's a special needs child or not, do not take to mean that their struggles are a result of your failure - your child is not broken. He is dearly loved and created by One who knows him perfectly, and will give you all the wisdom you need to raise him should you seek Him. (Ps. 139:13, James 1:5, Heb. 13:20-21)

He has given you your children and your tasks, no matter how "special" the difficulties may be, because He can make it possible.

Made for me by Isaac, "just because."

On the farm

This afternoon the kids and I spent time at my parents' farm. I love it there. It's so peaceful it's surrealistic, as I walk about I literally feel closer to God through His creation. I swear that although we don't life far from the farm, the colors of grass, sky, trees, earth, and water are brighter and richer there. You may scoff, but you have not been to the farm.

This time of year is the best, in my opinion; new flowers blooming, leaves growing, lambs, kids, crias, chicks.

My kids had fun with these kids for a long time today.


Giovanna happened to be bottle feeding the smallest, who took longer. Isaac and Nora said "Hey let's go see the chickens!" Giovanna replied "Hang on, I'm not done nursing the goat yet!" Can you tell there's a baby in our house? :-)



Do you have a favorite place to go, where you feel more connected to God through His creation?

Passing

I want to stop and thank those of you who have written me little notes or left kind comments this week. You all did not know this, but a few days ago my grandfather passed away.

He was living with my mother for the last few months of his life, my kids and I would frequently pop over for a visit. I had a very special relationship with him my whole life and I was so blessed to see him grow close to my own children.

I have peace knowing that we share the same faith and I will see him again one day. But my head is trying to reconcile that with my heart which is sad that my days of sharing with him in this life are now done.

So I'm a little quieter than usual over here in blog land. Trying to find content while trying to sort through the emotions, and make plans, is a little tough this week. I wanted to stop to let you all know that's what's going on here and thank those of you who have sent messages - even though you didn't know what's been going on.

It's so neat how when we follow little inklings or nudges to just leave a note for someone or send an e-mail, it's the Holy Spirit leading us to just bless that person.

Thank you all for being "that person" to me this week, I have been blessed.

My Temperament part 2

Did you read my ramblings the other day? I think, since I may say so myself, that everyone can always strive to communicate better in every relationship. It can be easy to justify stunted growth, blaming the other person - after all.. if they aren't willing to grow and work towards better communication you can't help that right? So you stay where you are, often repeating the same old cycles over and over and over. Sure - I know communication is a 2 way street. But sometimes we need to lay our pride down and be the first one to start the traffic flowing again down that two way street, be the first to make strides towards good communication. But boy is that hard! And sometimes.. it makes you sound like a robot :

""I. Feel. Like. I'm. Being. Picked. On." Yes, I said it choppy like that."

But that was part 1.

I had this huge revelation about approval the other day in mulling over communication, and how hearing someone out can be completely related to our self image.

For instance, if I'm uncertain in my status with how God views me and with how my husband views me, I feel this need to defend myself - to explain myself to gain my husband's approval. I know this from experience.

I had this revelation the other day in journaling some thoughts out to the Lord that I have lived quite often a life of apologetic need to others.

Meaning that, I find myself striving and trying, yet constantly apologizing. Feeling as though I need to let them know that I know I'm not enough and am truly sorry for it.

That is not the life Christ died for. Remember Galatians 5:1 "It was for freedom that Christ has set us free." It wasn't so that I could constantly beat myself up for not staying in touch better with friends, not being able to work into my schedule being on the church cleaning list, not keeping a Martha Stewart picture perfect home, not being able to be the mom who homeschools AND does all the field trips + soccer, ballet, gymnastics and cub scouts.

Christ set me free... for freedom. Imagine that.

Here all this time I struggle, feeling this need to apologize for not being enough. And He died to be enough for me. So all I have to do is... be myself.

Wow. That's amazing isn't it?

Once you know you are approved of by God, the freedom just rushes in. Accept it! Live it! The peace is wonderful.

How does this tie into communication? It's amazing that once you know that you are enough because Christ says so, you stop feeling the need to jump so quick to defend yourself, to explain away. You can confidently sit and listen to someone share what's on their heart without the need to show them how they're wrong.

Have you accepted the freedom that Christ set you free for? Are you confident in His approval of you?

Working out the past

On a bit of a serious note, I've been working through things from my past lately. On one hand, it can feel a bit overwhelming... like digging around for a sliver that just keeps coming out little piece at a time. And yet, on the other hand... God's grace is so amazing that I can just say "Oh.. you see that too? Ok, go ahead and change it." Because I know it's only He who can do the inward change, and it's no strenuous work on my part needed. And the deeper peace I have been finding has been amazing.. like nothing I can describe.

A blog I read linked to this post today, which I found so beautiful and so relevant to me right now. No broken pottery here at my house yet, but I really like it all the same.

Mrs. March

Little Women by Louisa M. Alcott

Chapter 8 (page 111, 4th paragraph in our book)

"He helped and comforted me, and showed me that I must try to practise all the virtues I would have my little girls possess, for I was their example. It was easier to try for your sakes than for my own; a startled or surprised look from one of you, when I spoke sharply, rebuked me more than any words could have done; and the love, respect, and confidence of my children was the sweetest reward I could receive for my efforts to be the woman I would have them copy."

Chapter 8 (page 112, 6th paragraph)

"If I don't seem to need help, it is because I have a better friend even than father to comfort and sustain me. My child, the troubles and temptations of your life are beginning, and may be many; but you can overcome and outlive them all if you learn to feel the strength and tenderness of your Heavenly Father as you do that of your earthly one. The more you love and trust Him, the nearer you will feel to him, and the less you will depend on human power and wisdom. His love and care never tire or change, can never be taken from you, but may become the source of lifelong peace, happiness, and strength. Believe this heartily and go to God with all your little cares, and hopes, and sins, and sorrows, as freely and confidingly as you come to your mother."

Someday I hope to be as good a wife, mother, and woman as Mrs. March!

The Chapman Family

The first CD I ever bought was by Steven Curtis Chapman. I guess that has always made him stand out a little in my mind. Then I remember being blown away as a new guitarist when I saw him in concert for the first time yeeeeears ago. When I learned of his first adoption, and later of Shaohannah's Hope I was increasingly impressed. This guy was the real thing.

Now my heart aches and goes out to the Chapman Family as they are enduring one of the most tragic losses that can happen. Please keep them in your prayers with me.

News from Shinyanga

My sister has been in Tanzania since January. Her first few months were a part of a program doing a semester of college abroad. Now her semester is over and she is working with a Dutch woman who's under AIM. She sends letters often e-mails amazing pictures, like these:




I read her most recent letter yesterday out loud to my grandfather (who is now living with my parents). She wrote of the numerous challenges that are faced in the very poor place where she is living. There is terrible Aids/HIV devastation, and if that wasn't enough the ignorance about Aids/HIV destroys the people even more.

The widows that can't care for themselves or their children. The mismanagement of money given for the needy. The orphaned children.

This is not anything new out of Africa. But it hurts my heart just the same.

The woman she lives with is 58 and has "adopted" 4 children into her home. I say "adopted" because they are not legally hers. They belong to no one and she is not allowed, as a foreigner, to adopt the children. But she has opened her heart and her doors to children left for dead - quite literally. The youngest, who is now 3, she found as an infant wrapped up, tied in a bag, thrown into some brush at the side of the road.

As the letter came to a close, my grandfather sort of shook his head and could only find the words to say "Well.. I think I'm off to bed now." I gathered my own 5 little ones and came home to put them to bed as well. We went through the getting ready routine, I tucked them in, and read a chapter aloud from the chapter book we're reading. At the end of the chapter 5 little heads were sleeping soundly and I walked out to our living room.

I sat down and cried. I cried for Africa. I cried for my sister. I cried for the woman she works with. I cried for all the babies who are abandoned to die. I cried for the widows. I cried because I often think I have nothing to give. I cried because I was born privileged and for 95% of my life I have only thought of my own wants and needs, how everyone infringes upon my comfort, and didn't hear the cry of the suffering.

I read this verse this morning Proverbs 28:27 "He who gives to the poor will lack nothing....."

So I trust God's word that I can give even when I don't see how. But then I pray because I wrestle this inner turmoil of how to give. How do I give? And to whom do I give? Do I give to the crisis pregnancy center in my own town? Do I give to the food pantry in our church's community that is struggling to fund a building project (they currently work in tiny quarters that are not handicap accessible)? Do I sponsor a child? Do I give to humanitarian aid? Do I give to a homeless shelter?

I start to feel the weight of the whole world so heavy on my heart..... there are so many, how does one choose?

Who do you give to? And how did you choose?

"Saving" time and money

Have you ever noticed what your inclination is to cut from the budget when things get tight? I'll be totally honest and say that I'm less likely to tithe. I mean, that 10% goes a LONG way. It can cover groceries for half the month, or really contribute to gas since the rising prices are really starting to hurt thanks to my husband's long commute. When money needs to be saved and saved fast it seems like the easiest thing to cut out right?

How about time? When you get a late start to your morning or have a jam packed day, whatever the reason... when you're short on time what's the easiest thing to cut? Quiet time. "God "is a common one I hear. "It's too hard with little ones." I'm pretty sure we could come up with any reason under the sun as to why it's justifiable and it sounds good.

So who's "saving"? Who's really getting cut short? When it comes to time, I truly 100% believe that some quiet time in the morning is absolutely essential to the rest of your day. I've taken Psalm 92:2 very literally. Thanking and praising the Lord in the morning, declaring His lovingkindness. Let me tell you that starting out my day with an attitude of gratitude does wonders for my WHOLE DAY. I can tackle anything that comes up with more grace, patience, and strength than I do otherwise. I also find myself in tune with the Lord.

How do you do this when you have hard mornings? First of all you need to change your perception. 1) Quiet time is NOT optional. You NEED the Holy Spirit feeding you your spiritual breakfast. 2) Quiet time is NOT the same for me as it is for you or anyone else. I like to think that someday when my children are older I'll be able to devote an hour or two in the morning to spending with the Lord. Some mornings I only get 10 minutes or less in. Some mornings, the best thing I can do is grab an index card or a post-it note and write out a favorite verse. I hang it up in front of the sink, over the stove, or on the fridge door. So I can read it, meditate on it, hear the Lord speak to me. Keep a pen handy if you do this so you can also scribble down some words from the Lord to you midst scrambling eggs or turning pancakes. Anyone can work that type of quiet time into their morning. It really does set the tone for your entire day!

What about tithing? Well, this one is harder for me to speak to. Particularly because we recently started tithing again after 2 months of not tithing because of a cut in income. Jacob was praying and realized, we have to sow seeds of faith to reap a harvest- one of those is tithing. We know the benefits of sowing and reaping as Christians and yet we hesitate to step out in faith when it comes to sowing finances in a time of financial lack. Jacob said the Lord brought to his mind the times where we made the same amount of money, tithed, and all the needs were met one way or the other. All the mouths were fed, the house was warm, the children had everything they needed. I grimaced inside seeing a big fat red line with some of the bills underneath it.

I said.. "Can we tithe... after we get caught up on a few things?" "No." was his answer. "We cannot afford NOT to tithe." So I agree. I know in my heart it's right, in my head I war the fears of insufficiency.

What comes 1 week after we decide, "yes.. no matter what - we tithe first"? A bonus so great to more than catch us up on some bills we've been juggling, some debts we've been chipping away at will be paid off. Several bonuses in the forms of gift cards to pay for items that were needed (and an extravagant gift card Jacob gives me for mother's day) but not justifiable to purchase without being in the budget. And a new increase in some weekly funds through another source.

Would this have come without the commitment to budget? Who's to say? Only God knows. But what I know is that His faithfulness is never late.

Does God suffer or lack when we cut the tithe or quiet time? Nope. But we sure do. Who wants to trade abundance for just enough?

Agree with God

I have several thoughts simmering right now for things I want to post here... (including participating in the Frugal Cooking Carnival later today) but we've got a lot to do, errands, co-op, and even a wedding later... ACK I start getting a little flustered with days like today.

But I wanted to stop to take a moment to share a little something that has changed my life and my walk with God. As a Christian for a long time I've experienced highs and lows in my relationship with the Lord, of course not because of anything on His part :-) I remember the frustration of the feelings of letting the Lord down through actions, or even just in negligence in my quiet time. I carried a lot of feelings of disappointed expectations from others into my thoughts on how the Lord saw me. I would wonder at my own commitment in the times where there was high stress without any inner peace. Why would the peace evade me? What was it I was always doing wrong?

My own personal journey in peace, lasting peace, unending, soul settling, mind transforming inner peace (enough descriptions yet?) began over a year ago. I slowly started to understand a little bit of the picture of who I was in Christ, because of Christ how God saw me, and how I can now confidently live. I read a few books that tickled my brain with thoughts of full redemption that I could not truly understand. God was doing a new work in me.

One of my dearest friends, and a close mentor over the years, sat down with me (via telephone) as we hashed out a few things. She said to me "Katie.. deep down there's an insecurity you've carried over the years. It effects every relationship you have. You have a deep need to be validated by people. If they accuse you, you're desperate to be your own vindicator - feeling a requirement and pressure to explain yourself. You're gasping for air, drowning in the expectations you try to live up to for everyone else." What?

What? Again, I say, What? I'm insecure??? I'm one of the most confident people I know! Or so I thought. I mulled it over. The first time I was accused of something I stopped, took a deep breath, and said "Well... that's not what I meant. Though I am sorry that you feel that way. Would you like some coffee?" Now I'm at a new place of being able to communicate better under pressure (sometimes) but that was a major step for me. That step being - DO NOT TAKE THE BAIT.

I could stop defending myself. That wasn't necessary. The work has been accomplished, people. Christ HAS in fact died on the cross for all my faults and flaws and there IS a work in process, all the time, every day.

My friend then started working on a special calling. She's in the midst of writing a book that I cannot wait to get my hands on, called Agree with God. It's about seeing yourself through His eyes. The best part of the news of her book was that while she's completing it, she has selected an excerpt from the book as an e-course. It's called 7 Steps to Peace, Power, and Prosperity. The format is awesome as she e-mails you 1 of the steps each day. It's great that way, in my opinion, because instead of doing some reading someday and forgetting the rest, or cheating and skipping ahead ;-) (who's known to do that?! Certainly not me!), you are focusing on 1 step each day and creating some GREAT new habits for yourself.. not to mention ditching some old ones you've carried along with you long enough.

I encourage you to head over to Maryann's blog for some good reading here and there. But more importantly, even if you've been a Christian a long time like myself, do the e-course. What could it hurt? Who DOESN'T want more peace?

Oh yeah... and after completing the e-course let me tell you how my walk with the Lord has flourished! I hear Him speak to me all the time. There is a dynamite relationship! I do find time to spend with Him each day, which used to be a struggle. Most importantly, I understand who I am and how He really views me. It's not overly intense to do the e-course, it's not a huge commitment, but it is mind, heart, and life changing. I hope you try it!


P.S. - Maryann did not put me up to this.. hehe. I hope you don't mind me promoting you so much, MA!

God met me in Walmart

Liam woke up this morning, crying and crying. We shortly knew why... he had patches of this funky rash that was very swollen (very, very, very). Our pediatrician is on vacation of course, but fortunately there are always doctors available 7 days a week at the practice should you have an emergency.

Anyway, as soon as we walk in the door all the kids run to find a little seat in the waiting room except for Liam. He scans the waiting room, recalling the data of "why is it familiar here?," has the lightbulb moment, then enthusiastically waves and shouts "BYE BYE!!!" And tries to get the door back open ASAP.

Poor kid. We were there for him, too!

It was a nice slow afternoon there and we were brought right in. As soon as the nurse tried to weigh him the tears began. Oh my.

The doctor came in, and probably because I'm holding a baby and can't get Liam to stop crying, looks at me and says "Do you run an in home daycare or babysit?"

"No, these are my children." I say. "Ah." was his reply.

Ah, indeed. I looked at crying Liam and thought "That's how I feel too, I don't want to be in here anymore!" I was too tired for criticism.

So he has a bacterial skin infection, poor baby. We iced the cake by all waiting for the prescription at not so Super Walmart. Maybe they should call it "Super slow Walmart" since it took three times as long to fill as they said. I would have never intentionally waited over an hour with all the kids. Past nap time, past snack time, past mommy-needs-a-cup-of-afternoon-coffee-time, it was starting to get difficult to wait and only the image burned into my memory of what Liam's skin looked like kept me hanging in there to wait. In the homestretch of waiting, a wonderful man from our church walked in the door and said "Hey Katie! How's it going?"

I don't think I had to say anything for him to really know. He took the baby from me so he could walk her while I held Liam, who was next to hysterical at that point (after all, his skin HURTS!). And I just had to whisper a prayer of thanks to God for church family. Which also reminded me, at that moment of being very tired and stressed out God met me in Walmart, sending that extra pair of arms and help in that home stretch of waiting, that last 5 minutes when I was about to say "forget it, we're going home and we'll start the medicine tomorrow."

He knew that I needed reinforcements or I wouldn't make it and I get all choked up thinking that with all that goes on in the world, the Lord remembers me in those moments. As Jacob says in reply to the question of "How can you afford to have so many kids?" How can we afford not to? I would not otherwise have the humbling opportunities to put myself out there and trust that when I need him, God will meet me in Walmart.

More on sleep

In the spirit of the fiesta yesterday I didn't want to put a downer posting about the sleeping thing. After that initial night of good sleep I haven't had one since. The nurse practitioner at my endocrinologist's has called frequently to check up on me. I think this is because when she initially told me to stop my medication and listened to my symptoms, she said "well... you may feel relief in 3 weeks, you may not we have to wait and see." I said "We had to wait 3 weeks before I might start sleeping, and even then I might not?" She said "Right." I started crying on the phone. I think that made her nervous :-)

So... anyway. I've been struggling along with not sleeping well at night. I'm getting sleep from around either 2 or 3 am until 6:30-7 or if Jake is home sometimes he lets me sleep till 8 or 9, which is a relief. Although I don't like to get up that late. It's just once I finally fall asleep I can sleep, it's just a matter of falling asleep in the first place.

So I talked with the NP on Monday who said "You're still not sleeping?? Well, call your OB to see what sleep medication is alright to use while breastfeeding and you might feel better." But I didn't really like that. I feel like it's putting a band aid on something that needs stitches.

I also hesitated because of the risk that you feel groggy in the morning. And Jake said "You already feel groggy in the morning. But I bet you'd feel better all day if you were able to fall asleep earlier." The man had a point. So yesterday I called. And as it turns out, there is NOTHING you can take while breastfeeding - except Benadryl. To which I laughed.

My doctor said "How are you when you take Benadryl?" And I said "I'll sleep all right, but I won't be able to take care of my baby if she wakes up." So she asked if Jake could help for a few nights so I could get some sleep.. which is equally funny because the man does not wake up at night. I could be screaming about a fire and he'd look at me and say "Ok, Katie... we'll talk about it in the morning" and go back to sleep. Of course that's if he opened his eyes at all.

Which let me down because once I decided "OK I'll take the medicine" now I feel a little hopeless that I can't. So it's somewhat ironic that I have a new baby who sleeps peacefully and I don't sleep much at all.

So... a couple people had asked how the sleeping was going. And there you have it. It's not going. And I am also wearing a tank top all the time. For you southener's and californians you think "Yeah me too!" Well, it's 30-4o's here. I'm a little afraid of what I'm going to feel like in the summer if I'm HOT in 30 degree weather. So for those who will pray - please pray. This body needs a miracle.