Trepidation

You know that feeling, like on a first date? Fluttering in your chest, the heightened awareness of every breath you take, sinking feeling in your stomach, jittery... but very excited? All wrapped up in a ball of emotions and nerves?

This is me right now. Because tomorrow, UPS will be delivering an important package to my house.

You will either read this and understand, raise an eyebrow, or roll your eyes.

I finally did it. After spending months waffling back and forth on what to do I just made a decision, grabbed the Visa, and clicked "Order."

What could have me in such a state? What else for a homeschooling mother of 5? I finally actually ordered curriculum for the first time. All of it. New. Coming to us. Lots of $$$$ (ouch). Big decision. My children's developing minds hang on the balance in my choices of tools to impart wisdom to them.

While I admire the homeschooling pioneers of generations past who plowed the way for us mothers today - I would have to say that the limitless possibilities of curriculum, teachers helps, guides, books, and so on is absolutely overwhelming.

For those who say that they either aren't smart enough or don't know how to teach and couldn't homeschool? You don't even have to worry about it. There is something for EVERYONE out there, I tell you.

Last year we used a handful of things I gathered together, worked out my own plans. Ditched some things part way through for something more accurately suited for my child. Last year our curriculum for Kindergarten was an eclectic collection that was all given to us.

This year, I had to do a lot of research for what I thought would work. I've been watching for months to try to find used copies what I wanted to no avail. We attended a state convention where I was introduced to a couple of other options that I had only read about. Back and forth I went.

Finally, I realized that no matter what I ordered I was going to feel just as nervous. So I went with my intuition, which also happened to be the curriculum most laid out and planned out for you already - I need that.

Tomorrow we will be receiving My Father's World 1st Grade for one child, and MFW Kindergarten for 2 children. Nora's really not doing Kindergarten this year, she'll continue with preschool but I figured since I was paying the shipping already I'd order the extra textbook for her for next year. I know. I'm an overachiever. (dripping with sarcasm!)

While there is a certain element for specific types of curriculum being fit to the type of child and the type of teacher, I also realized in my agonizing decision making that I make the curriculum work for us. I found one that appealed to the style I feel is ours, and after that I can use it as a tool. It's not the teacher. I am. I'm feeling pretty good in the end about the decision.

We'll see how I feel tomorrow after I open the box. Tell me what you're using this year, homeschoolin' mamas!