Thursday, October 16, 2008


Strange details stand out to me right now. The other morning there was a beetle crawling in the shower. I'm washing my hair.. and the invasion of a beetle in my shower was so wrong. That is not supposed to be there, not supposed to happen. I watched it crawl around thinking why would it be there in the first place? Everything is out of place.

A stranger being rude or kind is equally perplexing. I feel this heightened awareness of people around me. I wonder things like if people can tell what I'm going through when they look at me. of course if they could they wouldn't ask me questions like "How are you?"

Which has got me thinking about that question in itself. I can't count how many times I have asked "how are you?" to someone not anticipating what the response could be. Do we really want to know how people are when we ask? Are we prepared with an answer if they say "not good at all"? What are you supposed to say to a stranger that you have no interest answering the question of how you are?


Mrs. Querido said...

As someone who asks "How are you?" and really means it, I agree that most people don't really want to know. To most people it is just a perfunctory greeting that makes them look nice and caring, without having to go to much depth or compassion. If I know the person who is asking, I let them in on my feelings. If I don't know them well enough to bare my soul, they get the ubiquitous "Fine, thank you."

I don't know what you are facing right now. But I can feel the pain in your words. You are in my prayers. It seems like so little, but it is all I have to give.

Hold on to those around you who really care. Don't push them away in an effort to escape the pain. And find someone who knows EXACTLY what it feels like to go through what you are going through. I wish I had done that when I had a miscarriage. But God was gracious and allowed me to be that support person for my friend when she miscarried recently. Sharing grief makes it less suffocating.

Hold onto Jesus. He will never let you down or abandon you. And don't be afraid to feel your emotions with Him either. He can handle our anger or sorrow. He created those emotions. I have yelled at and raged against Him on more than one occasion and He hasn't struck me with a bolt of lightning yet :)He can even handle silence and distrust. Yes, I admit that I distrusted Him when I went through my miscarriage. The "Why me" and "How could You let this happen to me?!?" surfaced frequently. He was still there to catch every tear that fell from my broken heart.

This comment wasn't meant to be melancholy..I fear that it has taken on more of a lecturesome tone. Please don't take it that way. Take it as advice from a friend that you haven't met face to face who has faced grief, perhaps in a different form, and has come out on the other side by holding onto Him.

Amy @ Park City Girl said...

I've had a difficult time with this question at times. I pray that you have someone around you that truly cares to know the answer.

Jenn said...

Mrs. querido put it so eloquetly. I can hear your pain in the words you write. Katie, hold on to Jesus! "Do not fear for I am with you, do not be dismayed for I am your God, I will strengthen you and help you, I will uphold you in my righteous right hand." Isaiah 41:10. I know when I have faced scary times and painful times, picturing the Lord holding me in his arms, loving me, has given me comfort. I am praying for you tonight.

Eliza Ray said...

I think that all the time.

I love you Katie.

I'm pretty sure that this goes without saying, considering I'm your sister and everything...but when I ask you how you are...I really want to know. Every single last ugly or beautiful detail. I want to hear them all.

brietta said...

Just want you to know that I'm thinking about you and praying for you all the time.

All the time.

Mrs. Querido said...

Still thinking about you and praying for you...

abigaildaniels said...

I remember reading on Brietta's blog that halloween is your birthday.

Happy Birthday. You are in my thoughts and prayers.