Monday, July 21, 2008

Some more thoughts on homes

I loved all the feedback I received from everyone on the idea of cozy little homes. I especially thought a point from Mrs. Querido was noteworthy:
My sister and I shared a very dinky room until I moved out and got married! We learned to share and respect each other's need for space. Great life lessons!

I have said to more than one person that I was exceedingly privileged as the oldest of 5 girls to have my own room to myself for almost my entire life.
My parents were very good about wanting to give me freedom and rewards for the responsibility I had as the oldest sibling. They were also always good about giving praise and honor when due.

I'm not entirely sure what decision making factors were used in allowing me to have my own room for most of my life, but I was sure thankful for it. I place to retreat to for peace and solitude. It was ideal.

Until... I realized when I got married how ill-suited my life of independence and personal space was in preparation for marriage.

Do you know that when you share a room that person will move your things?? Not to mention snoring. Or the fact that neither of you seem to share the same feelings on temperature.

At nearly 7 years of marriage later, it is still difficult for me at times to share a room! Not so for my husband, he shared a room his whole life. Contrasting the two of us, then also how I see my own children adapt very well to being with others since they constantly share their space, things, etc, we feel that perhaps our children should always share a room. To actually prepare them for real life.

What are your thoughts on sharing rooms?


Rissa said...

I always had my own room as well. I have had to majorly adjust to sharing my space (and living with someone else's mess - a mess that always seems to reappear :). I enjoyed my room as a child, but in hindsight, I find myself in the same boat: maybe children should learn the value of sharing, respecting, and being grateful for space by always sharing a room with their siblings. They can learn some priceless life lessons in this way. Not to mention, it creates an environment in which the child has no sense of "entitlement" to their own space.

I guess this idea really resonates with me because it is outwardly- and otherly-focused at its core. Basically, it takes the focus off of the child and on to the idea of living in shared community and fellowship. If there is anything I want my children to learn (besides devoting themselves to a relationship with Jesus), it is learning to love his people and to value them above "things" (even space!). While sharing a room with siblings may just be a small piece of the pie, it still seems to be a very important piece.

Kristin said...

I never thought about it this way. When I was 13, one of my younger sisters was born and I started sharing a room with her. I found it HARD to adjust to having my room taken up by another person--especially a person who monopolized the room at naptime. :-) Looking back, though, I'm sure it prepared me to make the sacrifices of sharing space with my husband.

Jenn said...

Great point! I shared a room for the most part with my younger sister. We are very close still.

Molly said...

Oh, this one hits home...

I'm one of eight girls (#2!) and we lived in a 3 bedroom house until I was 12, so we ALWAYS had to share rooms. Then we moved in with my grandparents for a year while we house-hunted(seven kids at the time). Mom was homeschooling us out of Granny's dining room and the living room turned into a huge bedroom. When I was 13, we (finally!) moved to a bigger house and my older sister and I were the only ones with our own rooms. We hated it! For the first year, we would take turns sleeping in each others rooms, just to have someone to talk too!

Probably the most trying time was living with my grandparents when we had NO space of our own and practically no time away from each other. It bred a lot of stress, fights and hostility among us siblings, but it DID teach us to share!

Once we had our own house again, the fights lessened and we definitely benefited from the extra personal space. But we learned some valuable life lessons from living in close corners for so long!

I think sharing space is a great idea, not just for the obvious reasons, but because of the personal relationships it fosters among siblings. To this day, among all of us girls, the sister that was our "roommate" is the sister that we remain the closest too.

Amy said...

I haven't thought about it this way :) Here I've been praying for my oldest to have her own room, but that might cause other issues. I like your insight . . .

Mrs. Querido said...

Wow! I feel :) Seriously, though, sharing a room is good for kids. My boys have to learn how to hash out their differences (without fighting) and SHARE their things. And when their sister is old enough to not need to nurse at night, she will join them in sharing the space.

Sarah Halter said...

A good friend of mine shared a room with her younger sister and that's the biggest thing she credits with having such a good relationship. They're both in their 20s now.

I know another family that has 4 girls and they take turns sharing rooms with different siblings. They 4 girls have 3 rooms between them, so each year a different pair share a room and the other 2 get their own space. They've had a lot of fun having special time when they share rooms, but also get to have their own space some of the time. Personally, I think I would have a hard time with the upheaval of changing rooms every year, but it worked well for them.

In my family, it was just my brother and I and I think sharing a room would have been a disaster once we got past 8 or 10.