Why I'm Not a Pet Groomer

There were dozens of different careers I dreamed of while growing up, and while I was definitely a pet person back then being a pet groomer was never something that had crossed my mind. I liked pets a whole lot more back then than I do now.

We have a collie. His name is Duke. He's 7 and generally a good dog. Every once in a while he does something so annoying that I remember he's a dog and not a person, because most of the time he's so quiet and obedient and generally a great house mate to all. So we have this love/hate relationship going. There will be long stretches of time between the annoying things, so much so that I start to think what a good boy he is and that last thing really wasn't a big deal. I let my guard down. And then I wonder "Why... why do I have a dog???"

And my kids want a puppy. Ha!

My long time readers may remember that a while ago I crawled under the deck to save him when he was stuck. He must have forgotten the fear from that experience because he now gets under their regularly, fortunately he can also get himself out now.

The problem with that is his long fur has been getting all tangled and matted and gross. When he gets to be a huge mess, the groomer charges more.

So I decided I'm going to do it myself. I bought some dog shampoo, marched outside with my pink polka dot rubber gloves, and started bathing the dog. He sat so patiently, looking up with his sad eyes until it was over. I know how much he hates getting wet and he was so good... I thought, what a good dog I have. I run inside to get him a big bowl of dog food that he happily munched on while I brushed him. I took scissors to all the matted places around his legs and belly and thought "Boy the groomer is going to wonder what happened next time we go."

I give him a quick pat on the back thinking, "Hey.. that was not bad at all. Maybe I should do this myself from now on instead of paying someone." I then run inside the house to grab the broom to sweep the sidewalk and come back out... to..... what???

It took about all of five seconds to figure out he had decided his clipped hair looked more interesting than food (mind you, this dog won't touch bananas, apples or pretzels..... useless) he tried eating it.. made himself sick all over the sidewalk.. then rolled in it.

Yes. His nice clean fur was now disgusting. And that it why I am not a pet groomer. You can bet your bottom dollar that he's going to the groomer now after all! Forget the cost, I wasted a whole afternoon naptime's worth of time getting him clean - twice!